Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Time To Dust Off Those Nuclear Bombs

It was brought to my attention that the harmless druggie that was arrested at Subway yesterday, while M and I were having a nutritious and healthy dinner, wasn’t a harmless druggie at all. He was an escaped inmate who was receiving medical care at the hospital. No wonder the cops seemed so eager to take him in.

M and I live next to the hospital, and I’ve never thought that it could present a danger for us. Which is silly, really, because I’ve worked at another hospital for years and I’ve seen the crazies first hand. Once I was assaulted by a woman who was high as a kite and suicidal. The cops came and saved me, but it took 4 police officers to get her into cuffs and into the van. And at several occasions we've had the local winos come in. Sometimes they throw bottles, but most of the time they just pee on the floor. Marking their territory, I suppose.

Luckily, I live in one of the safest countries in the world and inmates on the run is something that doesn’t happen very often. Which is sad, I’m way more popular today than I was yesterday.

A country that isn’t as lucky, though, is our neighboring Russia. Yesterday morning two suicide bombers went to work at two Moscow metro stations, killing 38 people, injuring many more. Russia blames Chechnya and demands international aid. Seeing as Russia is always the first to come to other countries help, I bet Obama will immediately stop funding abortions with tax money (universal healthcare – ha! whoever gave him that idea?) for as long as it takes to level Chechnya with the ground, “preferably using nuclear weapons”, as one Russian woman said in the news.

I’m particularly fond of the nuclear bomb idea – it’s been way too long since we had a good world war on our hands. Also, I was about one year old when Chernobyl didn’t happen. (Shh – the Russians are listening.) The contaminated rain water was delicious, and I’m very fond of my third arm.

In other news, my Easter chick had a bunch of baby chicks and found her baby daddy. Or was it the other way around? I can never remember; which one came first, the chicken or the egg?

Watch That Grass Grow!

The chicken and the egg are actually symbiotic and identical subspecies of an extinct parent species called the chegg.

Baby chicks, wondering why daddy is green when they’re obviously not.


  1. I'm glad your chickens do not have extra legs. They might hop right out of that pie if they knew what was coming!

    I could use a third arm. ;-)

    I was sorry to hear about the attack in Russia. Crazy.

  2. Here's an amazing coincidence: I just wrote a long paper for class about all the nasty stuff that didn't happen at Chernobyl, including how long it took the Russians not to tell the world that nothing had happened.

    Anyway, I think, sure, why not drop the bomb on Chechnya? I mean, we're going to do it sometime anyway, and if we get it over with now, then all the crazy people who walk around scaring people in Subways and moaning about how near the end is will finally get to feel good about themselves.

    And who better to drop the bomb than the Russians, anyway?

  3. P.S. - (sorry to keep leaving ps's by the way) Your Easter Grass is really staring to look nice, especially with the cute little chickies hiding out in it.

  4. It's a crazy world out there. A couple of years ago I was accosted by a man in a local convenience store who had white foam coming out of his mouth. The clerk call 9-1-1 and it was determined by the police the man was overdosing on drugs. Needless to say, they took him away.

    Your Easter grass is coming along really nicely. I love coming here to check the progress.

  5. ReformingGeek - No kidding, a third arm would be awesome. Although, I think it might make shopping for clothes a little tricky... But I'm sure there's a speciality store out there somewhere.

    Mike - Can't you just imagine how satisfied and full of themselves those people in the subways would be? Talk about "I told you so." But the Russians are definitely the ones to turn to for a good boom.

    P.S. Thanks.

    Me-Me King - Wow, I hope he didn't hurt you. Rabid men, that's just scary.

    I love my grass, I'll be sad to see it go.



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