Friday, October 21, 2011

Something Important to Tell You, I Have

Come everybody, come. Gather around.



Not that close.

Okay, good. Please say hello to the newest addition to our family. This is Yoda.

Now, take a good look at him. Look closer. Closer. Good. You won’t be seeing much more of him, because Yoda will have a normal childhood, and not be ruined by fame like Darth Vader was. He will not be teased by all the other cats, have them laughing at him, mocking him for having a blogging mom who keeps posting pictures of him with no clothes on. He will not have to rise above the teasing, only to become a snotty diva with a huge head, begging his poor blogger mommy to take more pictures of him. He will have a normal, low-key, only a few pictures a day kind of childhood. He will be a normal cat, dammit!

….okay, just a few more pictures. But these are the last ones, I promise!


Monday, October 3, 2011

The Big One Goes In The Back

Previously on Ziva’s Inferno:

Ziva found herself helplessly in love with the gorgeous Canadian blogger-come-leader-of-the-world, the one and only Nicky. Desperate for her affection, Ziva set out on a mission. A mission to woo Nicky. She managed to trick the beautiful Nicky to Skype with her, and after a rocky start, a little help from the awkward banana and a French-speaking child, Nicky and Ziva hit it off like no one ever thought a cheese-lover and an ex-assassin could. And then Ziva fell off the face of the earth, presumably lost in Tijuana.

In this week’s episode, Ziva magically resurfaces, broke and hung over, but seemingly no worse for wear, and she is on a mission. Again. This time, it is not to woo Nicky, (although Ziva would like to point out that she will win Nicky’s heart again, even if she has to eat cheese to do it,) but to tackle the greatest problem known to womenkind; men’s inability to do it right.

This is probably one of the most common conversations M and Ziva have:

Z: ”No, it doesn’t go there!”
M: “Where then?”
Z: “A little to the right. More. More. There!”
M: “What about this?”
Z: “No, that’s not right, put it in the back.”

We’re of course talking about the dishwasher. Men can’t seem to get it right. But, nice as Ziva is, she tries not to be a nagging bitch, so whenever M puts the dirty dishes into the dishwasher, she just secretly sneaks in after he’s left the kitchen and rearranges the dishes. Yes, she’s that pedantic.

And now that she wrote it down, she's realizing it's not even a very interesting topic to discuss. At all. Ziva is very sorry she wasted your time. It’s back to Tijuana for her.

Ziva would also like to apologize for talking about herself in the third-person singular throughout this thoroughly useless post. *