Nicky, You Better Put Out

“You better put out,” is what I told Nicky when she asked me to participate in the madness that is 30 minus 2 Days of Writing. Not even in my wildest dreams did I imagine she would turn that little comment into a prompt. Mostly because I imagine a lot of non-repeatable things about Nicky in my wildest dreams, and a silly little writing prompt doesn’t even merit a stray appearance. Had I been inclined to think about it, though, I’m sure I would’ve seen it coming, but being as focused on awkward bananas as I was, it took me by surprise.

So here I am, trying to write about Nicky putting out for me without straying into R-rated territory.. And people, I’m not having much luck with it. So instead, I’m going to do something different. I’m going to tell you the story of how I fell in love with Nicky. I’ve told you this story before, but I think Nicky’s awesome enough that she deserves to hear it again.

It was a beautiful spring day. It could also have been fall, or winter, or even summer, I can’t really remember, but it’s not important to the story anyway, so just go with it.

It was a beautiful spring/fall/winter/summer day. Of course, since I can’t even remember what time of year it was, I can’t really say for sure that it was a beautiful day. It could very well have been raining small popular mammals or snowing or even just been overcast and dull. Finnish weather isn’t very predictable and I can’t be expected to remember what the weather was like that beautiful spring day. Anyway, let’s just get on with the story.

Small popular mammal.

It was a beautiful/rainy/overcast/gray/snowy spring/fall/winter/summer day. Come to think of it, it probably wasn’t even day, what with the time zones and all. It was probably in the middle of the night and I should have been in bed hours ago and I probably had to work the next day and I probably spent all day at work yawning like Mike’s faceless skull, and then I probably took a nap after work, which shifted my internal clock forward to make me more internet-adapted, but at the same time making me less work-adapted and less Finland-adapted, which eventually resulted in the permanent black circles I have under my eyes now as a result of living on four hours of sleep every night.

Back to the story.

It was a beautiful/rainy/overcast/gray/snowy spring/fall/winter/summer day/night/evening/morning. You know, it probably didn’t even happen in one day or night at all. Now that I think about it, it happened over time, slowly but surely, like the sun slowly growing and expanding until it eventually kills everything on this planet in a raging inferno of fire and brimstone, souls screaming in agony and babies crying for their mommy, but less gruesome and more sweet.

Okay, that doesn’t really work story-wise, either. I think it’s best if we just start over completely, don’t you think?

The first time she commented on my blog, I thought she was a man. She spelled her name weirdly, like a man, and she grabbed her balls a lot, too. Or so I thought, but as it turned out, she didn’t have any balls so I guess she mostly just grabbed her man’s balls. Or maybe she didn’t grab any balls at all and that’s something I made up just now. I really don’t know, I’m writing this at work and I think my brain is still asleep because I stayed up too late reading her blog again.

Magic 8-ball, shown here with small popular mammal.
Not relevant to the story.

I’m really not doing the story justice.

I love Nicky, okay?! And I have to tell you, she gives awesome Skype.

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This post is part of Nicky and Mike’s 30 Minus 2 Days of Writing challenge. Today’s prompt is You better put out. Go check out We Work For Cheese for a list of the other participants. *

Nicky, You Better Put Out