The problem is that I’ve been spreading my S around. Yes, my S. My letter S. I keep adding an extra S to the end of words, inadvertently pluralizing the singular subject, making the still-singular verb ill-fitted to deal with the multiplex nature of the subject. In other words, I’ve become grammatically challenged. Or, to use the politically correct term, I have become a person with grammatical disabilities.
Or just plain stupid, for those of you who are synonymically challenged.
I didn’t mean for it to happen. One day it just did. Pesky little ‘S’s, creeping into posts, multiplying, fornicating, breeding, infesting my text with their twisty little offspring.
I can’t help but wonder where all these extra ‘S’s are coming from, and logically, there’s only one explanation. It’s a well known fact that the modern S is a fairly impractical letter, and I can only assume I’m ahead of my time, predicting the end of the S and my subconscious is now trying to get rid of all of my ‘S’s by spreading them around. It’s probably in your best interest to do the same; when the time comes you do not want to sit there with a crapload of extra ‘S’s and nowhere to put them.
Remember, you heard it from me first.
Now go, my friends!
Spread your S around!
This post is part of Nicky and Mike’s 30 Minus 2 Days of Writing challenge. Today’s prompt is Absurd. Go check out We Work For Cheese for a list of the other participants. *
Ziva, I don't think I will be the first to tell you,but you have a mighty fine S.
ReplyDeleteBut Ziva how will we describe the sound a snake makes?
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like spreading your esses around is a little like leaving your shit everywhere. Don't sssweat it, I've done that.
ReplyDeleteAnd if you really have developed this quirk, don't change it! Embrace it as part of the Ziva flavor; unique and ever changing. Rock ons, baby, rock ons!
Wow! Sounds like you a need a word exterminator to get "their twisty little offspring." hah! Love it. Dark and twisted, literally. Don't you hate the word, literally?
ReplyDeleteI finally realized that Chrome and Disqus don't play well together. I can't tell you how many times I've been here and tried commenting...because I can't remember what I did ten minutes ago. I even left a comment at your fb page.
I'm using Safari and all is well in the Disqus universe.
That's absurd. ;)
ReplyDeleteIsn't it?
ReplyDeleteWhy, thank you, Shawn! Yours is pretty damn fine, too.
ReplyDeleteTHAT's what you'll miss the most? That's absurd, Dufus.
ReplyDeleteI truly have developed this little quirk. And it's starting to grow, too.. Earlier today it was an extra E, then an extra A, and I can't help but wonder if the vowels are going to cost me extra.
ReplyDeleteI literally hate the word literally. ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you're having trouble commenting on my blog. Damn Disqus is always screwing with me, but I don't really want to get rid of it, either. I'm glad it works in Safari, though.
I hope it's not as you say, that the S is on it's way out. I just don't think I have what it takes to Kype you without an S. :-)
ReplyDeleteBollocks, you'd be brilliant at Kyping.
ReplyDeleteIt starts with the extra "S" and progresses to problems with their, there, and they're. Try and stay strong, Zivas.
ReplyDeleteOop.
Is don'ts understands whats yous ares talkings abouts.
ReplyDeleteHey Ziva! I'll do just that. But as you know, it's Cs, Vs and Is that I despise the most. Roth x
ReplyDeletei now want to go back to all your posts and find the S's!!! :)
ReplyDeleteShawn stole my joke.
ReplyDeleteI was going to count the Esses in your post because it seemed it had a lot of them. Then I realized I have a life.
ReplyDelete*checking my comment now to see if I left out any words or added any esses*
Hey - I counted my "asses" the other day.
ReplyDeleteFor me it's apostrophes with esses. I'm becoming a complete dolt. I blame it on the internet. I think you should too. There, they're, their, Ziva, don't worry the S so much that you lose sight of the big picture.
ReplyDeleteI once tried to spread my S around. It got me arrested for Indecent E.
ReplyDeleteActually, a friend of mine adds the letter S to nearly all of her words after she's had a few drinks. It's not even a slurring thing. I think it's just a drunken affectation. Am I getting anywhere close to the mark for you, Ziva? ;)
ReplyDeleteThats sures is absurds, Zivas.
ReplyDeleteOh no, it's happening to you, too!
ReplyDeleteWell now that you mention it, my drinking habits may have changed slightly during the past 24 days or so.....
ReplyDeleteUh-oh, better tuck in that S, then.
ReplyDeleteOh god yes, apostrophes. I'm definitely blaming the internet for that one. In fact, I blame the internet for pretty much everything.
ReplyDeleteAt first I was going to write the entire post without any esses, but then I realized I have a life.
ReplyDeleteHaha, I try to edits out all the extra esses before I post. ;)
ReplyDeletePerhaps you ought to start spreading them around too, Indigo. :)
ReplyDeleteOh no.. I hate to break it to you, LM, but you seem to be suffering from the same problem.. I am so sorry.
ReplyDeleteOh no, not their, there and they're, too! The horror!
ReplyDeleteyou crack me up!
ReplyDeleteHeh, glad I could make you smile, Meleah. ;)
ReplyDeleteVery funny.
ReplyDeleteI've heard there are no "W"s in the Russian language. Now you guys are getting rid of "s"s? What will be next? M's?
ReplyDeleteOh god no, we need the M's to pay for lunch.
ReplyDelete