Something is wrong, I can feel it.
The world isn’t quite right. At the back of my throat the bitter taste of adrenaline mixes with a coppery tang.
Something is very wrong. Where am I?
Please stop crying, my head hurts.
I can smell gasoline, feel the disturbance of twisted metal.
I’ll open my eyes, please stop crying.
Why are you upside down? You’re all wrong.
No, the world is upside down.
I’m all wrong. I’m the outsider. I don’t belong here.
Please stop crying, it wasn’t your fault.
No baby, I can’t promise you that.
Please, no ultimatums, no or elses. We can’t threaten or bargain our way out of this.
You’ll be okay.
This post is part of Nicky and Mike’s 30 Minus 2 Days of Writing challenge. Today’s prompt is Or else. Go check out We Work For Cheese for a list of the other participants. *
Um, I think I'm a little slow this morning. You're going to have to explain this to me. Did somebody die?
ReplyDeleteThis is beautiful. You made me cry. Don't do that anymore.
ReplyDeleteMy god, this is tragic and beautiful and haunting. It reminds me of the oddly distanced and brilliant first-person narration in the movie American Beauty. This is great writing, Ziva.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to go with dufus on this one. Though I like the words and the writing, I'm left a little puzzled?? Help! Is it a car crash?
ReplyDeleteSo, I;m not alone in my confusion. This is brilliant writing but I wasn't really sure what happened. I figured it was a wreck and that something or someone was upside down. The car? Were there any survivors?
ReplyDeleteWell, I think in a creative writing challenge, sometimes it's okay to be a bit vague and let the reader make up their own mind as to what truly happened. I'm sorry it left you feeling confused. :)
ReplyDeleteMmm...this made me feel all cozy and warm.
ReplyDeleteI loved that movie.. Thank you, Michael. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Reffie, I was listening to sad music this morning. I blame the music.
ReplyDeleteSure, if we have enough money left over from our own sessions.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to think someone survived, but after reading the ending a few more times, I think not in spite of someone saying "you'll be okay. That strikes me as just a word of comfort rather than reality.
ReplyDeleteThere is your ending, sad as it might be...
ReplyDeleteOh honey! I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm kind of flattered that you did, though. Thank you. :)
ReplyDeleteOk. I've spent my day going to hysterically funny blogs only to be blindsided by tragic and frightening stories. I simply cannot afford the therapy.
ReplyDeleteIt's probably the fuel on fire.
ReplyDeleteI hear Nicky and Mike have promised to pay for everyone's therapy after the challenge is over. ;)
ReplyDeleteWell, I tell you what Z, I loved this. It can be read in so many ways, and I was moved by all of them. You nailed it. Again. Dammit! =) Indigo x
ReplyDeleteDufus, my friend, if it needs explaining, I don't think it hit the mark. But thanks for reading. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Indigo, I'm so glad you were moved by it. :)
ReplyDeleteThe emotions are raw. I really like the figurative language at the beginning. It's disorienting and anxious, much like the feelings I'm sure you were trying to convey here. Tight writing, Ziva. I'm a fan.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comments, KZ, I'm glad I was able to convey some emotion with this piece. :)
ReplyDeleteThe world is definitely upside down in this piece! Well played, Ziva!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Boom Boom. :)
ReplyDelete