Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The Curious Case of the Little Evil White Mushroom Penises

I’m so happy we already established I can say penis on this blog, because boy do I need to say it now. See the thing is, my lovely sister Muschu is a bit of a celebrity. Well, not exactly a celebrity, but she works with celebrities and that’s practically the same thing, no? She’s a designer and is working on the Finnish version of the TV-show Dancing with the Stars, making the outfits. Dancing with the Stars, or Tanssii Tähtien Kanssa, as it is called in Finnish, is shot in Helsinki. Muschu lives in Turku. This means that she’s had to move to Helsinki temporarily and has left her apartment in my very capable hands.

For the past month I’ve been in charge of watering the plants, sorting the mountains of mail she gets and making sure that the apartment doesn’t burn down. And this is where the penises come into the picture. I thought I was doing a good job; I sorted the mail alphabetically, never left any matches out and watered the plants, about a gallon per plant. That should be enough, I figured. And it was. It was plenty. I’m almost starting to think it was too much, because tonight when M and I went to water the plants we found that one of the plants had been invaded by a whole pack of evil white mushroom penises about an inch tall. I have no idea where they came from, I just know that they’re here now.

Let this be a cautionary tale; don’t ever make me take care of your things unless you really like little evil white mushroom penises.

I’m sorry Muschu. *


  1. How cute! It looks like a little "Penisville"!

    You know, some plants (maybe even fungi) need both sexes of the species in order to propagate, so you might want to keep your eye on the other plants for sprouting vaginas.

  2. 00dozo: That's hilarious! It'll be very interesting to see what little evil vaginas look like.

  3. Ziva, what are you talking about "what little evil vaginas look like"? As if you didn't know!

    What did you do to these plants. I'd dig out the penises before your famous sister gets back in town. Don't eat them though. That would be asking for trouble.

  4. Tiny penises are wee wee-wees.

    At least you didn't kill the plant. That's my MO.

  5. Oh dear.

    I will dream of tiny wieners tonight. AAAARRRRRGGG!

    Yeah, a gallon. Those poor plants.

  6. I'm going to start pouring a gallon of water down my pants every day. An inch of growth a month couldn't hurt.

  7. Very pretty. Mind you, you'll be in trouble if that lot spore and spread to the wallpaper, soft furnishings, supporting woodwork and so forth. Burn the Little Evil White Mushroom Penises now say I! Or perhaps you could use them in an omlette.

  8. Cook them - free food!
    And you can tell you friends what you had for dinner - not one penis but many! :)
    You're too funny....

  9. Linda: I already told my sister about the mini penises.. She wasn't even surprised. I guess she knew something like this would happen. And now I can't help wondering if they're magic mushrooms and if I should try one just in case...

    Lauren: Wee wee-wees, hehe... I'm glad I'm not the only one with a plant problem. I'm sure I'll kill at least one or two before she comes back. But at least she should be able to grow mushrooms instead.

    Reffie: That's my mission, making everyone have nightmares about tiny evil wieners. I'm nice like that.

    MikeWJ: After a few months, I'm pretty sure you'll start hurting Kerry, if not yourself. But on the plus side, you'll probably make a lot of money! Who cares about the wife anyway?

    Jon: Oh crap, now I'm worried they'll be all over the apartment when I go water the plants next week. But honestly, who needs an entire apartment for themselves anyway? Sharing with little evil mushroom penises is good for the soul.

    BLOGitse: Want to come over for dinner? Because there's no way I'm eating those little bastards unless someone else goes first.

  10. "...invaded by a whole pack of evil white mushroom penises about an inch tall. I have no idea where they came from, I just know that they’re here now..."

    Is this something you might have brought back from the sex show? Oh and Muschu lives in Turku? Well Turk her too!

  11. nonamedufus: I know I shouldn't have touched anything at that exhibition! I probably have some sort of STD and will leave little white mushroom penises on everything I touch. My apartment is going to look awesome!

  12. Google recommends a light spray of rubbing alcohol on the soil.

  13. Lorena: Right... That makes sense; get the bastards drunk and hit them when they're passed out. You get the alcohol and I'll bring the bat!

  14. Haha, this made me laugh. I'm terrible with plants too (I know it is awfully judgmental of me to jump to the conclusion that you are terrible with plants "too" after this one little story alone, but there you go... I'm a down right Judge Judy when it comes to plant stories). In fact, I have rarely gotten any to live for more than a few months (unless the one I eventually managed to discourage from drinking water at all. After about a year I discovered, much to my surprise, that it was still alive).

    I'm sure your sister can get new plants if need be. Or maybe she can show the mushroom penises on TV and become even more famous (or get to work with more famous people - I agree, it's virtually the same thing).

  15. Cruella: Ohh, I'm terrible with plants too. When my boyfriend waters them, they thrive. But when I water them, even under his supervision, they die! I don't get it. But maybe I should grab the mushroom penises after all and show them on TV myself.. But then again, I'm not sure I want my 15 minutes of fame to be attributed to mushroom penises..

  16. I didn't have the time to dig out the penises.. but i poored som Koskenkorva viina on the penises.. hope that makes the penises go away...

    "go away, way away little penisville" (jingle bells tune)

  17. Muschu: You should have tried singing to them.. That might have been just the right thing to persuade them to move. Now they'll just stick around and wait for more vodka.



This blog uses the Disqus comment system. If you see this message, please wait until you see the Disqus comment form or refresh your browser. Comments posted here will not show up on the blog.