Monday, November 29, 2010

Too Cold For Correct Grammar

Too cold to blog. Didn’t think it would be this cold until January or February. Fuck me, cold now.

-17 C = 1.4 F

At least the Fahrenheit scale didn’t go negative.

Drove a popsicle to work. Dark when I got to work. Dark when I left work. The only sunshine I get is through a window. But don’t go too close, your tongue will get stuck.

Hair needs defrosting and ran out of spare toes, too.


Beware, content is hot.


  1. When you finally get enough circulation in your limbs to start moving around enough to think about defrosting your hair, take my advice and don't use the microwave. In Finland, as in most frigid countries, you should use Glögg instead. Usually, it will defrost the hair after one application, like radiator fluid works in your car. But if it's really cold and that doesn't work, set the Glögg on fire (assuming it's not too cold to kindle a flame, of course). The resulting heat will soon have your locks flowing like the Tornionjoki river in spring and, as a bonus, your ears will stay toasty warm long enough to keep them from freezing off during your walk from the car to your office door.

  2. You could always move. Here it's a balmy 4C today! I'm wearing a T-shirt today. Of course I put a coat on when I go outside.

  3. Sorry. I don't have any spare toes. I wonder if they're selling any on EBay. It is Cyber Monday. You might be able to get spare toes as a bonus gift with a pair of shoes. Just saying.

  4. I like the cold. Hey, I was born in February - what can I say?

  5. MikeWJ: Your ideas are very good. I'm just curious, should I use vodka to get the stickiness out of the hair after I've defrosted it with glögg? Or do you perhaps recommend something else?

    Noname: The temperature here sank to -18.5C while M and I were out getting ice cream.

    Lauren: I was really counting on you for spare toes, you know. I'm very disappointed.

    00dozo: Want to do a home exchange?

  6. Ziva, I wish you'd just come to California for the winter. You and M can stay with us. If you get lonesome for snow, it's a 3 hour drive. But we don't get cold like Finland. You can go home in Spring. M can get a little job and you and I can shop every day and look for shoes. Also, we will cook lovely things for the boys. Plus we can drink gin in the afternoon if we wish, (or vodka). We will play very loud music and dance and laugh while Alex and M work and slave to support us. It sounds good to me.

  7. It's -18C and you're out getting ice cream? Am I missing something? Tell me it had hot chocolate sauce poured over it.

  8. Vodka works very well, and once the stickiness is out you can use gin to volumize your hair. Sapphire Bombay will add back lusterization, and flavored gins will make you more attractive to the opposite sex. Or the same sex, if everybody's had enough to drink while doing their hair.

  9. And I think it is cold at 3-4-5 degrees Celsius as they are now in Romania.I don't even want to think at -17 C.I would dress me with half of the closet.God, - 17 brr :-s

  10. My eyeballs froze just reading this post.


    Keep it over there across the drink.....

    Wait. It's so cold the drink might freeze.

    Tequila = antifreeze.

  11. Burn the furniture! We did. It helped.

  12. Linda: I'd be on a plane already but apparently the flight attendants decided it would be fun to go on strike, so almost all flights are cancelled. But just wait, one of these years I'm going to spend the winter in warm California while M works so I can shop.

    Noname: What can I say, we felt like ice cream. It was Toblerone-flavoured and very very cold.

    MikeWJ: How come you know so much about alcohol and hair anyway?

    Rares: The secret to dressing when it's -17C is layering your clothing. Also, if you can find some seal blubber to eat, that's good. And if you feel really cold, just spread a thick layer of animal fat over your body, it's great insulation.

    Reffie: The sea has indeed started to freeze over. I'm getting out the Tequila to prevent any major damage, though.

    Meleah: Yep. Pretty much.

    Jon: Great idea!! I didn't really like that couch anyway.

  13. We usually have cold weather by this time of year, but we haven't got nothin'. It's actually been so warm that the entire population grew 1 extra toe on each foot. So if you need some (yes you do), hit us up.

  14. That picture at the end makes me think that I need to go make myself some peppermint hot chocolate.

    On a completely unrelated note, I have a question. I thought about it when I saw a comment on Mike's blog: are you native Finalandian, or native something else? You sounded quite authoritative in your translation of the rock thing, but you also write in flawless English. If you speak perfect Finnish and English, I'm jealous. I'm still struggling through basic Spanish, haha. The gift of tongues, I do not has it.

  15. mike: Our cold weather disappeared. I'm sure it'll be knocking on your door any minute now. (I'll still take that toe, though.)

    Rena: I don't think you're the only one who's confused about what exactly I am. Swedish is my mother tongue, but I'm born and raised in Finland and am fluent in Finnish and English as well. I actually think I'll write a post about it later today...



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