Green Toilets and Japanese Perverts

Snow. It’s really coming down now. The first snow came down on Sunday while M and I were driving to Kirkkonummi to visit my grandfather who turned 90 years old. It came down, first as hail, then as big wet flakes that melted on the ground, and last as tiny little flakes that didn’t even melt when the sun came out yesterday. This means that the roads are nothing but ice, but at least there’s snow on the ground. And there will be more, because the first snow storm of the winter has just arrived. And I was really enjoying it, too, but then I had to drive my car to Zumba and decided I’m not going to like this winter any more than the rest of them. I need a snowmobile.

My grandfather, 90 years old but fit enough to fight off the Russians if need be. (Just ignore the wheelchair.)

Apart from visiting my very old grandfather, M and I also visited our good friends Dani and Jonas and their little boy Adam this past weekend. The food was great, the company awesome, and I got to be creative and play with Lego. I made all sorts of fantastic creations, and Adam really helped me find my inner artist by helping me with the finishing touch on every creation. Inspiringly enough, the finishing touch was a green plastic toilet every single time. I predict great things for Adam in his future.

First snowball of the winter. I hit a complete stranger right in the head with it, too.

Now, in keeping with my new series, “Shit M Says”, here’s a conversation M and I had while having dinner today. This is simply to show that it’s not just black people M has it in for. We were sitting at the dinner table, discussing camera noises, like any normal couple would, and we got a little sidetracked.

M: I know that Japan is very strict with that. If you take a picture the camera has to make a sound. It’s to keep Japanese perverts from reaching under girls’ skirts in the subway and taking pictures.

Z: I guess that Japan is the only place where the subway is so crowded someone can reach in under your skirt and you wouldn’t notice it.

M: Have you seen the pictures of those subway workers whose only job is to push people into the subway cars because they’re so crowded the door won’t close otherwise?

Z: How the hell do you survive with a baby there?

M: Don’t you know that in Japan babies are this small *shows with his hands* and can fit into your pocket for easy transport?

Z: I wonder how many baby girls are “accidentally” lost on the subway in Japan. “Oops, lost the baby, better make a new one. Let’s hope it’s a boy this time.”

M: I have no idea how they even have time to make babies. They work insane hours and have to fit all that perversity into their schedule as well. You know you can buy used panties in Japan, kinda like you can buy sodas from a vending machine here.

Z: You’re not serious. That’s just gross. Where do they get all the dirty panties?

M: I don’t know, college? And I once saw a geometric calculation from Japan about sitting opposite to a girl dressed in a skirt and how far from her you’d have to sit in order to see under her skirt, taking into account skirt length and eye height.

Z: The entire country of Japan should be put behind glass and the rest of the world could buy tickets and come watch the Japanese show from a safe distance. That’s entertainment right there. *

Green Toilets and Japanese Perverts