Monday, July 26, 2010

U2 Will Probably Write A Song About This Weekend

This weekend was filled with monumental awesomeness and has the full potential to become legendary. Centuries from now, people in far away Egypt will look back at this weekend and remember it with reverence. They will take their Mobile Aviation Device (MAD) and fly all the way to Finland, the capital of the world, and pray at the Temple of That Weekend When African Children Rejoiced in the Happiness of Ziva by Throwing Their Last Rice Over Her Like She Were a Blushing Bride, Sacrificed at the Altar of Joy. That’s how amazing this weekend was.

My weekend started on Friday, as most good weekends tend to do. The ones that start on Saturday are almost always over by the time Sunday comes around, and the ones that start on Thursday often leave you hung over and crabby before elevenses on Saturday. Similarly, whenever a weekend starts with Monday you just know you’re going to end up being yelled at for cutting someone off in traffic, and then a bear will eat your homework. No good weekend starts with a Monday. Or a Tuesday, because who in their right mind would want to spend their weekend doing laundry? So when it became clear that this particular weekend was going to start on Friday, I was just beside myself with happiness. Cartoon animals sang songs for me, and little dwarfs danced and brought me diamonds, pearls and that weird fish that’s poisonous but people still eat it and then if they survive they say it’s delicious. It was a good start to the weekend.

On Friday, after I got off work early, I went to see my good friend Dani. She served me some really great juice and we had a very nice little pre-weekend chat. Then, I left her place and drove to my own apartment. 30 minutes of perfect music, no one cut me off, no cops pulled me over, and I totally got the old lady with the cane. After a nice little rest at home, I went to see Muschu and Zelma at Muschu’s apartment. We rented Paranormal Activity, ate tons of pizza, candy, chips and had some alcohol to wash it all down with. I weigh 5 lbs more today than I did last week, and I haven’t slept since I saw the film, but we had such a great time that I don’t even care. And the bags under my eyes are perfect for carrying around stuff that I need, like an extra banana or a road sign.

On Saturday, I got up at noon, had some leftover pizza for breakfast and watched TV for 4 hours straight. Then M and I left for Hämeenlinna, had some more pizza once we got there and spent the rest of the night at a rock festival where we listened to the best band in the whole world, Kent. M even said that if Jocke Berg would propose to me, I could say yes.

Like the best of weekends, this one ended on Sunday, when we slept all day, ate some more, slept a little and ate a little more. So basically, what I wanted to say was that I had a really good weekend. Was it good for you? *


  1. Love your twisted brain. It's like a pretzel, salty and lots to chew on.

    LOL! A bear ate your homework. So that's where trees come from - bears shitting homework in the woods.

    My weekend never ends since I'm unemployed. What day is it again? Satsunmonday? I think I remember seeing something once like montuwedthurfrisatsunday.

    I've got the same bags.

  2. Whoa! I'm taking a nap in your honor.

    I'm so glad you got the old lady instead of the cop.

    Nothing compares to yours so I won't even try.

    Wait. I wrote a blog post. WHEEEEE!

  3. Curiously, I also had a great weekend.
    Could it be that the planets are aligning in a millenial way that will eliminate global warming, clean up the oil spill in the Gulf, make Chernobyl pretty again even when it's not dark, and allow us to get drunk without getting hangovers?

    You have to wonder.

  4. Lauren: I forgot to write this in the post, but Satsunmonday is my absolute favorite day. Too bad it only comes around right after Montuwedthurfrisatsunday, and we all know that only happens if you sacrifice the cow just right. So, if trees come from bears shitting homework, which one came first? The tree or the homework poo?

    ReformingGeek: Most weekends I'm thrilled if I even manage to think about maybe writing a blog post, so you my dear, is my new hero.

    MikeWJ: Oh yes, and perhaps Celine Dion will stop singing, everyone in the Middle East will all be friends again and no one will have to work because the Norwegians will give everyone their money. I'm glad you had a great weekend.

  5. Glad you had a great weekend! Mine, unfortunately, was not that great. I got a phone call from my Granny who was run over while visiting Finland...hey! Wait a second! I know I'm slow, but sometimes my synapses fire and I actually connect the dots (or see spots, that also happens). My Granny got run over in were driving in Finland...did you happen to see the person who ran my Granny over?!

    And on a totally unrelated note, do you think if we drop a singing Celine into the Middle East, all the different groups will unite against a common foe?

  6. Ziva, I am so delighted that your weekend was long and merry! Mine was merely long. But then, we did very little but things we had to do and we all know it's what you WANT to do that's fun. I did buy a gallon of Finlandia Vodka in your honor though. Although I'm more of a gin girl, I could not resist having something in the liquor cabinet that would remind me of my favorite Fin.

  7. No shit about the Norwegians. They're like the richest people on the planet. Them and the Austrians. Norwegians I get because they own oil and make phones. But what the hell do the Austrians do, sell violins? Strange.

  8. Hey, Nicky! My grandma got run over by a reindeer. Also in Finland, although it was at Christmas. What a coincidence!

  9. The weekend was great indeed. And now I know where to look for all the road signs from our block that have gone missing. ;P

  10. Nicky: OMG, your Granny got run over in Finland? That's crazy, who in their right mind would run over a poor, unsuspecting old lady. Not me, that's for sure. Nope, never. That would be like dropping a singing Celine Dion in the Middle East and laughing at the chaos that would ensue.

    Linda: Finlandia Vodka! Now you just need to put on Finlandia by Jean Sibelius, drink the vodka out of a milk glass and grunt something unintelligible whenever someone speaks to you. Yay!

    MikeWJ: Dude, Norwegians don't make phones, Finns make phones. Occasinally Swedes make phones. Norwegians only make oil and fish. And they make for great material for jokes.

    M: Honey, I have NOT taken any road signs. I've told you this before, they just fall down whenver I walk past them. And it's not like we really need a stop sign at the end of the street anyway. Am I right?

  11. Oh, I thought Norwegians made Nokia phones. It's the Finns? This is why I like your blog so much, Ziva. It's educational. Now I'm so smart I practically feel European.

  12. I had tho think back a few days, but I realized that last weekend was a really sucky weekend for me. It was pretty bad.

    Which is probably why you had such a stellar one. You used up all of the great weekendness vibes, so there was none left me. It's cool though. I'm generous like that.

  13. My weekend was fantastic, thanks for asking, but I have to point out that the best weekends don't end on Sunday. They end on on a Tuesday, after having begun on a Thursday. Duh.

  14. MikeWJ: Yep, Nokia is Finnish, although I'm not sure we're supposed to tell people that, they haven't been doing so well lately. So if you could just pretend they're Norwegian until they start doing better, it would be great. Thanks.

    mike: Sorry you had such a sucky weekend. Hope this one was better. But if it wasn't, you'll be happy to know that mine was great. Again.

    Lorena: Wow, do weekends like that even exist? I want one of those weekends!



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