1. In the 80’s my parents were millionaires, having invested in Nokia many years ago, but lost most of their fortune in a bad game of poker. Daddy played and lost and mom had to spend the night with an Arabian Sheik. 9 months later I was born.
False. My dad and I share enough DNA to feed a small horse. Also, I don’t think he’s ever played poker, and if he has, he certainly has never lost.
2. Then mom and dad gave me away and I was actually raised by a pack of wolves. They taught me excellent surviving skills. Ask me anything about how to kill a hare.
False. Sadly, I was not raised by wolves. But mom and dad did a great job with me anyway. Ask me anything about how to kill a hare.
3. I’m pregnant!
False. I just threw this in here to confuse you. I’m sneaky like that.
4. Chuck Norris comes to me for hair care advice, that’s how awesome my hair is. I’ll tell you what I always tell him; lather, rinse, repeat and occasionally stick a fork into the toaster for extra volume.
False. Chuck Norris doesn’t come to me for any advice at all. But if he did, I would tell him that a knife works way better than a fork, contrary to popular belief.
5. Due to my time in the wolf pack, I have a very close relationship with all animals. Sometimes I even feed moose and deer straight from the barbecue. They love my teriyaki-marinated steak.
False. The moose that came to my barbecue party didn’t eat my steaks; it just looked at them for a while and then left again. Talk about bad manners.
6. I’m extremely intelligent. I once participated in a game show on TV and got to answer very interesting questions about flounders and Norse Gods. I won the entire thing, winning a book with 1001 jokes and a gift card to an electric shop. With the gift card I bought a lamp in the shape of a desk.
True. Well, the extremely intelligent part might have been a bit of a stretch, moderately intelligent would probably be closer to the truth, but the rest of the statement was true. At the ripe age of 11, I participated in a TV game show for kids. The grand prize was a book with 1001 jokes and a gift card to the local electric shop. The lamp that I bought might have been the ugliest thing ever made, but sadly, I can’t find a picture of it. I left it at home when I moved away and when mom and dad
7. Ever since M and I started dating, I have told him I need Sundays to myself for my goat sacrifice and naked moonlight dancing. He doesn’t know this, but I just tell him that because I am horribly embarrassed about telling him the truth. Actually, I spend Sundays knitting and crocheting with my Grandma. I’m so embarrassed.
False. I once tried knitting a pair of gloves and one of the gloves ended up with four fingers while the other one had six fingers. I’m better with goat sacrifice and naked moonlight dancing.
And it seems like we have a winner. Actually two people were smart enough to guess correctly, Mike and Mrsblogalot, but we can only have one winner and Mike was the first one to say it was #6. And because I felt kind of bad about giving him absolutely nothing, I had Zelma make me this fabulous award. It’s a very special award, and Mike will quite possibly be the only person ever to receive it. Therefore, I recommend Mike to take it, hide it and forget all about where you hid it. That is the only way people won’t storm your blog, trying to get one for themselves.
The Flaming Flamingo
Cherish it, Mike. It’s all yours. *