Wednesday, October 27, 2010

I Still Have Nightmares About Cookies

I’m bored. I’m so bored I can’t even write a blog post. I’m sitting here, watching TV and experimenting with different ways of eating a mandarin (they taste best if you peel them first). Where is M, you ask? M is away again. He’s somewhere in a faraway land, sharing a hotel room with a weird Italian guy. Google invited him to beautiful Sunnyvale to discuss world dominance and I wasn’t invited. And you won’t believe how great a girlfriend I am. I got up at 3 am on Friday and drove him to the bus. Yes, the bus, you didn’t really think I’d drive him all the way to the airport, did you? I’m his girlfriend, not Mother Teresa.

While he’s been away, I’ve been busy visiting people. On Friday I took the train to our nation’s capital and visited my famous sister who spent the entire evening sewing a dress for the hostess of the Finnish Dancing with the Stars and stressing out because apparently famous people do that a lot. Muschu and I rented The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus and drooled over the pretty men and then I slept in a sleeping bag for the first time since my Girl Scout days. I remember now why I’m not a Girl Scout anymore.

This dress.

I’ve also had dinner with my parents, coffee with my grandmother and a large bowl of popcorn all alone. I’ve read two books about murder and mayhem and subsequently slept about 5 hours in the past two nights. And today I realized that the ceiling light in the living room is going to explode any day now and set fire to the couch I’m always sitting on. I had to turn off the light and light some candles instead. I did this because clearly candles won’t burn down my apartment, but a light bulb definitely will. M being gone is so not good for my mental health.

Perfectly safe.



  1. Oh Ziva, I wish you were here! M is about 45 minutes from our house right now. Of course, Alex is up North someplace doing something I don't know about anyway, but he'll be back tomorrow I think. Stop reading scary books while M is gone. I avoid them when Alex is gone. Not really. I love scary books. Plus Harry and Honey will protect me from evil serial killer types. At least that's what I tell myself. I've been wondering where you were and was thinking of trying to email you just to make sure you were okay. I'm glad you are fine, even if you are a little bored. If you were here we could drink Vodka and dance. That would be so fun!

  2. Hey sweetie!

    Oh, so you aren't Mother Theresa? Hmm, I think I've been mistaken...

    On a more serious note, I'm sitting at the San Francisco airport now and will begin boarding the plane in a little while, so hopefully I'll be home soon, so that I can give you the small tokens of appreciation (aka gifts) that I've bought you over here.

    Regarding lights, everybody knows that candles are much much safer. Light bulbs are just bombs in disguise.

  3. What? M isn't staying for the first game of the World Series?


    I guess it's good he's coming home to you. It sounds like you need some cookies....and a light.

    Nice dress. Wowie.

  4. HA! You sound a lot like me. I cannot read anything remotely scary like a murder mystery or I will NEVER get any sleep! And, I am forever paranoid about my house suddenly setting on fire! I can totally see why you thought candles would be safer than that light bulb!

  5. Linda: Drinking vodka and dancing, my two favorite pastimes! I wish I were there too, but by now M's on a plane, and probably closer to London than San Francisco so I better just stay at home. But next time he's off on a trip somewhere I'm coming to stay with you. Or I'll just borrow Harry and Honey so I have someone to keep me company and protect me from evil serial killers under my bed.

    M: Gifts! Yay!! Please come home soon, I'll even dress up as Mother Teresa if that does it for you.

    Reffie: I'm not sure M even knows what the World Series is...

  6. Meleah: Finally someone who sees my logic! The light bulb was giving me the evil eye, and I had to check for monsters under my bed twice before I could go to sleep.

  7. Ziva, Sweetheart, we will drink vodka and dance when you come. And I'll take you to Z's, the vampire bar. We can also go to the biker bar if you like. And we'll use the M-Roadster to drive down to where M is, and take him out for dinner. Better yet, we'll just let M use one of the cars and he can stay here too rather than with weird Italian guys. And Harry and Honey would be delighted to offer you protection. Even in the bed protection if that's what works for you.

  8. I think your famous sister forgot to sew up the top part of that dress.

    Sorry you're bored. I'm bored, too. And feeling very gloomy, for a variety of reasons. Can hardly smile, let alone laugh, although your post helped a bit.

    Maybe M will bring you something really cool from Googleland. They have nice lace musueum there, and a little shop called the Chocolatier Desiree. If you're lucky, he got you something lacey and covered in Belgian chocolate. (You can make up your own joke here, if you'd like.)

    Keep a watchful eye on that lightbulb. Although you turned it off, it could still explode and set your apartment on fire. Then you'd have to sleep in a sleeping bag all the time. That would be total bummer.

  9. Linda: I'm more of a vampire bar kind of person than a biker bar kind of person. And I wouldn't let M drive that car, he drives far too safely for that kind of car. I'll drive it, though. All day long, if I have to.

    MikeWJ: I'm sorry you can hardly smile. You should try the banana sideways in your mouth thing. It won't help, and it will probably be painful, but at least it will help with the boredom.

    Now I'm going to be really sad if M doesn't bring me something lacey and covered in Belgian chocolate. Throw in a little jewelry and it would be the ultimate gift.

    Great. I'm going to have to kill the light bulb. Are you happy now?

  10. I generally abhor violence, but kill the bulb before it kills you, Ziva. You don't want M coming home, finding you burned to a crisp and accidentally dropping the gift box containing the black, lacey, chocolate-soaked, ruby-studded thong that he bought as a gift for himself in Sunnyvale. Bought for you, I mean.

  11. I'm bored too. A light bulb exploding in my house right now wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing. Can I borrow your light bulb?

  12. Hey, we're all bored. Let's blow some shit up!

  13. MikeWJ: You're telling someone who's terrified of a killer light bulb that they're going to be burned to a crisp. Your new you is pure evil. But I'm really sorry M didn't bring one of those thongs for you as well, I know how badly you wanted it.

    Nicky: You can have it. Send me your address and I will send it to you immediately.

  14. Is "try a banana sideways in your mouth thing" a euphemism?

    The "Imaginarium.." was a great movie. Interesting how they worked around Heath Ledger's death.

  15. It's not a euphemism, NoName. I think she means I need to try giving a dude a blowjob. I would, but you know how it is: You suck one cock in college, and you're a cocksucker for the rest of your life.

  16. MikeWJ: Yes, that's exactly what I meant! I'm so glad you understand me so well.

    nonamedufus: It really was a great movie, and it took some very clever rewriting to work around the tragedy. And I love that the other actors came in after Heath Ledger's death and then gave what they earned to Ledger's daughter.

  17. Sounds like some of the boring wasn't bad. But you don't sound like the type of person who ever gets bored with your mind working overtime.

    I look under my bed for monsters, too, but just find monster dust balls. They're way scarier. When I was a girl scout, had I known about hotel rooms when they handed me a sleeping bag, I'd have dropped it in the bonfire. How many S'mores can you eat anyway. Got to go to bed. Big day tomorrow. Office Halloween party. It's scary enough going to work everyday.

  18. Lauren: If I wasn't so bored all the time maybe my poor overworked mind wouldn't have to work overtime all the time. Also? 28. That's how many S'mores you can eat.

  19. I don't know what you're going on about, but I like your chandelier. What's with the three satan tails sticking out of it? Is the devil in your chandelier? Is that why it's going to explode?

    Devil In My Chandelier sounds like a good song title.

  20. mike: I try to embrace Satan in everything I do, even interior decorating.



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