Before I took Darth Vader to the clinic, I wanted to make sure he knew what was coming, but I don't speak cat and Darth Vader didn’t seem to understand French. Then I heard a voice. It said, "Use the force, Ziva." And I did. Steeling myself for the most important game of charades I've ever played, I used my Jedi mime tricks to tell Darth Vader about his impending castration.
Arms flailing, hair flying and legs kicking, I told Darth Vader what to expect; that his man bits might not be quite as sizeable after the little operation, and he looked at me with despair in his little kitty eyes. But I said, "Size matters not, ... Look at me. Judge me by size, do you?" And he said, "You're huge." And I said, "Yeah, I keep forgetting you’re a cat and you’re tiny compared to me."
Then we had a bit of an awkward pause.
But I soon gathered my thoughts again, and said, "Look, Darth No-Balls, errr, Darth Vader, just because you have the snip snip.." But he interrupted me, quite rudely, and said, "Snip snip?! This is no snip snip! This is more like cut cut snip snip dig around rip it out and sew it shut again. And all the other cats will go 'Lost his balls Darth Vader has. How embarrassing…' "
And the only words of comfort I could offer him were, "Don't worry; you’ll still have your lightsaber."
Author's note: I apologize deeply to anyone who hasn't seen the Star Wars movies, and urge you to do so before you declare me mentally insane.
Author's note, vol. 2: I also apologize deeply for creating my first LOL cat picture. You may declare me mentally insane. *
Darth without his Vaders? Say it isn't so! Heh, heh.
ReplyDeleteAlas, the same fate awaits our young Brutus - mind you, he has fur around his ears that look like feathers and he doesn't really behave all that 'manly'. Just don't call him "Shirley".
;-)
You too, Brutus? Poor guy. Darth Vader had actually started exhibiting signs of being male, which is why we decided to nip it in the bud. Maleness is a serious condition and should be addressed promptly.
ReplyDeleteLove the Jedi "mime" tricks! Genius!!!
ReplyDeleteNext time, try more Yoda talk with Darth.
It's funny, I went through the very same thing with Jepeto....and he understands French.
ReplyDeleteAwwwwww. Poor Darth Vader. But I am glad he's recovering well. And you made me laugh when you said, "Don't worry; you’ll still have your lightsaber."
ReplyDeleteOh, poor no nuts. He'll appreciate it later, promise.
ReplyDeleteRemind me and my maleness never to visit Finland.
ReplyDeleteEw, poor little Darth! You know when you least expect it the Empire may strike back.
ReplyDeleteIS there anyone that hasn't seen the Star Wars movies?
ReplyDeleteI sure hope not.
You did such a great job describing poor kitty's adventure that I felt right there with him. I started to squirm in my seat guarding my girlie parts.
Lightsaber. Hee Hee. I always knew that the force was an aphrodisiac.
If he is too upset and embarrassed to lose his man-bits, there are always Neuticles. You must go to the site and see for yourself...
ReplyDeletehttp://www.neuticles.com/
Poor little fellow. Still, you did the right thing and he will live a longer, healthier life because of it. Though, I don't imagine he's quite ready to express his gratitude just yet. ;)
ReplyDeleteAnd here I was so looking forward to greeting you with my pliers.
ReplyDeleteMore Yoda talk?! If so be, then forever talk like this I might. Yuck!
ReplyDeleteMen are idiots. Suggest a little innocent ball-chopping to them, and they go all crazy.
ReplyDeleteI know, I felt really bad for him, too. But he's made a very speedy recovery, indeed. It's like he never even had the surgery.
ReplyDeleteI sure hope he will. I know I will enjoy not having a peeing, screaming cat running around like he owns the place.
ReplyDeleteHa, good one! And you're so right, we might even have to prepare for the revenge of the eunuch.
ReplyDeleteIf there actually is someone out there that hasn't seen the Star Wars movies, and they happen to read this post, they are going to be so confused.
ReplyDeleteWow, that's the most ridiculous thing ever. I highly doubt Darth Vader will miss his balls that much. Vanity is a very human trait, and I doubt any animal will be embarrassed about not having testicles.
ReplyDeleteI don't think he's actually noticed his balls aren't there. His elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
ReplyDeleteHe's awesome!
ReplyDeletePoor baby. I had a mobile vet come to our home when Smokey was 6 months old. He did the surgery in his clinic set up in an ambulance. The vet carried Smoke inside and had him tightly wrapped in a clean towel. We stuck him in a small dark bathroom to recover. The vet and I shared a nice Merlot. Yeah, I needed to relax after all the trauma.
ReplyDeleteI definitely felt like I needed a drink, too. Darth Vader, on the other hand, was just fine.
ReplyDeleteNot me. I love it. Best day of my short life.
ReplyDeleteAnd his balls don't go all the way to floor. Not anymore.
ReplyDeleteLoved it. You can't continue loving it, as it only happens once. As far as I know, anyway.
ReplyDeleteYou're nuts.
ReplyDeleteActually Z, I think he's trying to say he's no nuts.
ReplyDeleteI love that you cared enough to prepare him with charades. It probably made the whole process easier for him. And I won't declare you insane because of the cat picture...because I like it and because there are so many other reasons to declare you insane. Get well soon, Darth Vader! :)
ReplyDeleteBest wishes for a speedy recovery for Darth!
ReplyDeleteHa! That's how he ended up on the "dark side." At least he still has his lightsaber. If my two dogs and cat provided a good return on the investment, we'd have been able to retire by now. Just found out one of my dogs has a Thyroid condition like my mom. I guess it runs in the family.
ReplyDeleteI know I would be very grateful if someone prepared me with charades before chopping off my balls. If I had any balls, that is. And I'm so happy there are other reasons than the picture to delcare me insane, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!
ReplyDeleteThanks Boom Boom! He barely seemed to notice the lack of balls, so I think your well wishes must have helped.
ReplyDeleteI sure hope Darth Vader hasn't inherited my insanity. It would be pretty confusing if he started to play charades with me.
ReplyDelete