Apparently the guy is Austrian and called Gunther and the girl is Belgian and called Sarah. I have no clue if those are their real names or not. Back to Gunther. Holy shit, even without the umlaut that's a manly name. When M told me I immediately had a vision of Arnold Schwarzenegger doing katas in my living room dressed in nothing but the pants part of his Gi, with sweat beading on his bare tanned chest, moving with the liquid grace of a large feline. M, most likely noticing the look of pure unadulterated bliss on my face, of course had to burst my bubble.
M: He doesn’t look like Arnold at all. He has dark hair and wears funny t-shirts.
Z: Really? I thought it was illegal for Austrians to be un-Aryan. But he’s still built as a tank and speaks English with a German accent, right?
M: Uhh, no. He studied at Oxford and speaks English with an Oxford accent. And I wouldn’t say he’s built like the Terminator either. But he wears funny t-shirts.
Z: Is he at least the horribly unqualified Governor of an American state?
M: No. But don’t forget the funny t-shirts!
Z: *muttering* They're gonna have to be pretty damn funny if he doesn't even sound like the Terminator.
M: He has one that says "Slavery. Gets shit done." with a picture of the pyramids on it.
Z: Okay, he can stay.
So now that we've established that the karate masters are staying over the weekend, does anyone know what Austrian and Belgian people eat? I'm going to have to make them at least breakfast and lunch, and I have no clue where to start. Subjective opinions and wild guesses will do fine. *
Just don't accidentally wake up one of the karate masters in the middle of the night. That would be worse than getting elbowed in the eye. I love it when they show a Terminator rerun on one channel and the Governator live on the other. I have to stop and choose my reality. Good luck with the house guests!
ReplyDeleteI hope you're referring to 80's Schwarzenegger, cause like, have you seen Schwarzenegger's chest lately? Not like I've been checking him out or anything. Just that he's not very "catlike" these days.
ReplyDeleteGive them some Belgium Waffles. Chocolates too. Fatten these karate people up a bit! Too bad Gunther isn't blond. I'm interested in the chick too. Sarah might be a babe. Take pictures. Preferably with their clothes off. (Not all of them of course, just the shirtless look for him and her in the shorts.)
ReplyDeleteFrench fries are universal! The Belgian may want mayo instead of ketchup or some blend of mayo and ketchup.
ReplyDeleteI like the chocolate idea. Why not make Chocolate Belgian Waffles?
I love the T-shirt. Snort.
I'm picturing the movie Karate Kid in your living room. The old one, that is.
Good Luck!
I have to agree with Lauren on the waking them accidentally in the middle of the night. When The Husband and I were dating--and I was still living at The Parents--he fell asleep one night on the living room couch. The Mother and I were sitting in the kitchen the following morning when we suddenly saw one of the cats go flying past the doorway. Turns out, the cat jumped on the couch to bat at The Husband's mustache and he took exception. He told me later that you NEVER touch a sailor while he is sleeping. I never forgot that--even though he never studied martial arts.
ReplyDeleteAnd I have no idea what you should feed them. I'm a strict meat, potatoes, and fast food girl, so I am no help whatsoever.
Ziva, if I move to Germany, how far am I from your house? Do I take a train or a boat?
ReplyDeleteBelgians eat waffles - definitely!
ReplyDeleteAnd I think Austrians eat Wiener Schnitzel.
Can you please get a PHOTO of these funny t-shirts?
ReplyDeleteGotta be waffles, french fries, sausages and sauerkraut. Well, that's what I'd eat. Oh, and I think they wear lederhosen with their funny t-shirts. And they blow big long horns and shout "Ricola" a lot.
ReplyDeleteYour life kind of sucks sometimes, huh? Auf weidersehen!
ReplyDeleteWhat? They're too good for viili or puuro? They had better be hot.
ReplyDeleteJust to confirm, Belgians eat only chips. These should be served in a paper cone with an equal weight of mayonnaise. Under no circumstances should fresh fruit in any form be offered. You might just slip the bark past, though.
ReplyDeleteMove to Germany? Did I miss something?
ReplyDeleteHysterical! I don't know about the Austrian, but I'm pretty sure the Belgian eats waffles and clearly I'm not alone.
ReplyDeleteMy you've taken this surprise guest thing well. I would have booked a room at a spa for the weekend. Ah yes... yet another reason why I'm single. ;)
oh, please tell me you will take photos of these supposedly funny t-shirts? And then please tell me you will post them for us?
ReplyDeleteLinda's moving to Germany. Their neo-conservatism appeals to her.
ReplyDeleteMan, you couldn't be more wrong; they hardly ever shouted "Ricola." I know because I really tried to pay attention to what they were shouting and it sounded nothing like "Ricola."
ReplyDeleteUmm.. I sort of forgot to take a single picture all weekend..Perhaps you could just google "funny t-shirts?"
ReplyDeleteI wasn't sure about the waffle thing, so I didn't make them any, but they did bring us some assorted cookie-like things that look a lot like waffles, so you're probably right. I haven't tried them yet, though, because they also brought beer and chocolate and beer and chocolate always has to come before waffles.
ReplyDeleteYuck. You just made all that up, didn't you? Please tell me you did.
ReplyDeleteThey were totally hot. And they ate jogurttia and ruisleipää so I can't complain.
ReplyDeleteYou're kicking me out of Project Runway? You suck.
ReplyDeleteWiener Schnitzel! Why didn't I think of that?? Oh well, I'm sure they enjoyed my bark bread just as much as they would have enjoyed a big juicy Wiener Schnitzel.
ReplyDeleteWell... You could take a ferry and be in Finland in 27 hours and 30 minutes. Or you could take a train and travel through the Baltics and Russia and be in Finland sometime next year, or take another train and travel through Denmark and Sweden, only to still have to take a ferry from Sweden to Finland. Technically I guess you could take a train all the way to northern Sweden and cross the border to Finland there, no ferry needed, and take a train from northern Finland to Turku, but I’m guessing that trip will take a week or so. But hey, here’s an idea, you could just hop on a plane in Germany and be in Finland in 2 hours and 5 minutes.
ReplyDeleteTurns out we were all too tired to play the "Let's accidentally wake up the karate masters and see how badly it hurts." game Probably a good thing too, I like not getting elbowed in the eye. Now Schwarzenegger, on the other hand, probably starts every day by elbowing himself in the eye, just to stay focused on his important governor duties.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to pretend I never read this comment and keep thinking of Schwarzenegger as the Terminator until he and his undefined chest and pot belly retire from the public eye.
ReplyDeleteLinda, I'm sorry, I really tried to get that picture for you, but for some strange reason they didn't take me seriously when I told them my internet friend wanted a picture of them and they should probably take off a few clothes for it. Maybe next time.
ReplyDeleteThanks Reffie, I didn't take you up on any of your advice but I'm sure the weekend would have gone much better if I had. Oddly enough the weekend was crazy busy so they didn't have time to do any karate at all in our living room. Hell, they barely had time to sleep there. Poor karate masters were probably exhausted.
ReplyDeleteOh my, I'll try to remember never to touch a sailor when he's sleeping. Although, now that you told me that story I will probably have to test and see if it's true if I ever do happen to come across a sleeping sailor. Wish me luck!
ReplyDeleteAnd I actually ended up just serving them meat and potatoes, so you were of more help than you think. ;)
Beer AND chocolate? Now those are my kind of guests.
ReplyDeleteAlex was asked to go to Germany for a year. But he was given a choice (we'll see how long that lasts). There are financial "perks" such as an additional $100,000 tax free dollars. And since a year is a long time to be without "consortium", he would be allowed to bring his family with him. I thought, well, heck, if I was in Germany, I really would go visit Ziva. Then I pictured myself on something like the now defunct "Orient Express" wearing a veiled hat romantically traveling for a day or two to visit you. We have since decided that we don't really want to go to Germany for a year, despite some obvious carrots being offered. If they bring out the two by four, we may have to. As the crow flies, we would be about 5 hours from you, but no crow seems to fly that directly except an airplane.
ReplyDeleteMy husband Alex was a Sailor when I met him. He liked it when I touched him when he was sleeping.
ReplyDeletealrighty than.
ReplyDeleteYou had the chance to move to Germany and be insanely close to me and you said no?? Smart move. Germany is a strange place.
ReplyDeleteActually, Ziva, that being close to you would be the only reason I would ever consider it. We would be near Ramstein. Not a big tourist draw. Germans are a little "weird". But that's only the ones I've known. My real hesitation would be in the importation of my canine companions. They are both part pit bull, and Germany has a ban on them. I could make them pretend to be something else. Eh!
ReplyDeleteJust dye them pink and say they're poodles. Harry and Honey won't mind.
ReplyDeleteAlex tells people they are chihuahuas, but the big kind.
ReplyDelete