Monday, March 22, 2010

Like Watching Paint Dry - But So Much Better!

My hit series Today’s Bridge wasn’t such a great hit after all. I’m not sure why, but I have a feeling it sort of jumped the shark when the bridge catastrophically failed to do anything interesting at all. It’s still hanging there like yesterday’s news, looking a little sad and lonely, probably wishing someone would put it out of its misery by marching 26 elephants over it.

And since Today’s Bridge failed in ways the actual bridge can only dream of, I’m taking Today’s Bridge off the blog and introducing a new segment. I don’t know if you do this where you, dear reader, live, but in Scandinavia we grow Easter grass. Easter grass is real grass, grown for the single purpose of looking like grass when Easter comes. It’s highly rewarding and very easy. Not even I could screw up Easter grass. I hope.

With that in mind, I give you:

Watch That Grass Grow!

It still looks a little bit like a tray full of dirt, but fear not, we’ll be watching the grass grow in a mere 4-6 days – provided, of course, that I see to adequate humidity in the soil at all times.

Are you as excited as I am?? *


  1. Darn! I thought you were going to make a chocolate pie for me.

  2. ReformingGeek - You're not seriously saying you'd prefer chocolate pie over watching grass grow? You're weird...

  3. Easter grass is real!?!?!? Oh my God.

    What about the Easter bunny?

    Aw, who gives a shit. All I really care about are the Reeses eggs. ;)

  4. Well, I doubt I'm as excited as you are because you're seeing it live, but I'm definitely excited. This is more drama and movement than you get on 99 percent of most blogs. Also, out of curiousity, when this Easter grass is finished growing, do you dry it out and smoke it to honor Christ's resurrection? It sorta looks like a hookah in the background.

    P.S. -- Does this mean I won't win a prize when the bridge finally collapses exactly one month from the day I first predicted it? I can't remember what day that was, but it's your blog and you can verify it for me. I'm pretty sure it's coming down that day.

  5. In the United States that's called a Chia Pet.

  6. I have 8 of those Easter Grass Pies!

    Mine has grown 0,5-1cm already!
    *I have provided it with humidity*

    It's fun to watch when it sort of turns itself toward the sun! So I spin it round! Maybe I'll get curly Easter Grass? EXELLENT!!

  7. Candice - There are Reese's eggs??? Well that's it then, I'm going to have to convince M to move to USA with me. I can't live without Reese's eggs.

    Mike - That's olive oil, you've been out of the game for too long when you can't tell the difference. Just saying. But Muschu has the best hookah evah. When we're done growing grass we'll have a grass smoking party for sure.

    And don't worry, when the bridge collapses on April 4th, as you predicted, I'll send you some dried grass - the best prize since sliced bread. When the bridge comes down I might even consider re-entroducing Today's Bridge.

    Moog - Chia Pet, huh? That sounds a little dirty. Does it have a happy ending?

    Muschu - That is so unfair! How come yours are growing already when mine still looks like a tray of dirt? You'll get curly grass and I'll end up with dirt. Is it not enough that you got all the good genes in the family?

  8. .....and don't forget - I have the hookah EVAH!

    Today my Grass grew a it's sort of 1cm in all places...but it's not so curly and thick I thought if would be..

    ...maybe if I smoke it it will look more thick..and curly..and colorful..OOOohh! that remindes me I have small chicks to put in the Grass when it's done growing!! (Exellent!!)



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