Friday, March 26, 2010

Call Me Mom

I think I would make a great mother. I have sown the seeds, provided my seeds with fertile soil, sunlight and love. I kept my tray of dirt out of harms way and provided for adequate humidity at all times. And today, my beloved tray of dirt has finally grown into the most beautiful, green grass you can ever imagine.

Watch That Grass Grow!

I know every mother thinks her baby is cute, even though it looks like an old Richard Nixon, but can you honestly say this isn’t the cutest grass you’ve ever seen? And it happened so fast. It seems like only yesterday my tray of dirt had nothing but a few strands of short yellow grass, and the penguin was making fun of it.

No, wait… That was yesterday… Never mind.

I do believe I promised we’d play a game today. I can imagine the game will get more interesting when the grass grows thicker, but until then:

Can anyone spot the foreign object?

Extra points if you identify the character. More extra points if you tell me my grass is pretty.

I’m going to have some wine now. Let’s hope I’m not one of those moms who forgets all about her baby when she’s tipsy and leaves them in the car without the window rolled down. Maybe I should convince M to take care of the grass tonight, just in case. *


  1. What a pretty patch of grass you have, Ziva! Now that it's turned green, it matches the color of your face in your new avatar, as well as the color of the alien babe James T. Kirk was making out with in the new Star Trek movie. It also complements your new blog design, fitting in nicely with the birdies and the earth tones that dominate your new scheme.

    I think it's critically important to be color coordinated at all times because you never know when you're going to run into Vera Wang or Donatella Versace, and you wouldn't want to be embarassed by looking out of fashion. It's like making sure to wear clean undergarments when you go for a drive. You don't want to be seen in soiled underpants if your car unexpectedly catches on fire and the emergency workers are forced to extricate you from the burning wreckage with the jaws of life, tearing your True Religion jeans to shreds in the process.

    Anyway, moving on, I'm pretty sure that the foreign object hiding in your grass is either Scott Peterson dumping Lacie's body into the bay circa 2002, or the Gorton's Fisherman and his adorable wife, Mrs. Gorton, either trolling for mackerel or--and I don't mean to be rude here--engaging in what can only be described as fishing fellatio. Frankly, it's hard to tell with all the foliage in the way.

  2. Mike - I'm actually pretty sure I won't run into Vera Wang when I go out, and I almost never wear undergarments (cause it's just not cold enough to warrant undergarments over here) but I hear what you're saying. Color coordinating is the shit. I should probably start thinking about the underwear thing, though, given that my car will catch on fire any day now.

    You get 17.1 points for flattery (with a 6.8 deduction for complaining about the foilage), and 5.9 points for guessing the character. You were incorrect, but you managed to work the term "fishing fellatio" in there, and I've always liked a man who can do that.

  3. That doesn't seem like too bad of a score. I really want to win this one.

  4. The foreign object in your grass is definitly Moominpappa at Sea. And I think it was a genious idea to put Moominpappa in his rowing-boat in your grass, because I can see that your beautifully wavy green grass is a metaphor for the wonderful deep blue sea with it's softly rolling waves. I know that you subconsciously put Moominpappa and the boat in it because, just as Moominpappa, you are longing for the sea and the summer since all this snow and ice are driving us crazy and soon we can't even remember what really green grass looks like.

  5. Dani - Well crap, now I'm almost sorry I already declared Mike the winner. You get 7.4 points for choosing a cartoon character, 8.2 points for the lovely metaphor and 62.7 points for reminding me that there is a sea under the ice and grass under the snow.



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