I actually had breakfast today. Muesli and yogurt. (Or müsli for those of us who are a little better than everyone else.) It was okay. Not really worth getting up for, but I was already up so it doesn’t really matter. Speaking of breakfast, last night I went to see Alice in Wonderland. It wasn’t as good as I’d hoped it would be, but I always enjoy a little Johnny Depp. And he wears his makeup better than any grown man I’ve ever seen. Sadly, they didn’t have any breakfast. They hardly even had tea.
Someone who does have breakfast every single day is M. He gets up, does his thing and then sits down for breakfast. He spends about an hour reading the paper and eating his yogurt. And then he gets up and leaves for work. Did you notice how I left out the part where he would normally have pushed his chair back in?
I knew you’d notice, you’re smart like that.
Yes, M has a chair problem. A breakfast chair problem. He doesn’t have this problem during any other meal. Dinner, lunch, brunch, supper, elevenses… No problem. But come breakfast and he appears to lose all capability of operating a basic chair.
This is how my morning usually goes: M’s alarm goes off 20 or 30 times, depending on how many times he can fall back asleep and how hard I hit him when the damned thing doesn’t shut up. He gets up and leaves me in bed, wide awake. He does his thing, eats his yogurt and wakes me up to tell me he’s leaving for work just when I’ve gone back to sleep. After he’s left, I get up. I walk to the kitchen and start my day by pushing in his chair. Every day.
Some time ago I brought it to his attention that he has this problem. He didn’t believe me. So I did what anyone would have done. I took a post-it, wrote “Evidence #1” on it, and put it on the chair and left the chair out, just as he left it.
When M came home and saw the chair and realized I was indeed right (I usually am), he laughed a little and promised he wouldn’t leave the chair out again. Today I wrote “Evidence #17” on a little post-it. He definitely has a breakfast chair problem.
Do you know where I could find a Chair Problems Anonymous around here?
The original post-it was written in Swedish, but I wrote a new one for your viewing pleasure. You’re welcome.*