Today my gorgeous little kitten is feeling less Darth Vader and more Darth Mauled. After today's surgery he is two testicles less of a man, and has had a micro chip implanted into his neck for easy programming. He's sleeping it off right now and I have to say, I'm very proud of my Darth Vader. The veterinarian said the fur is strong with this one, and I agree with her. But I do feel a little guilty, and I find it very sad that my little Darth Vader will never have the chance to say, "insert generic cat name here, I am your father."
Before I took Darth Vader to the clinic, I wanted to make sure he knew what was coming, but I don't speak cat and Darth Vader didn’t seem to understand French. Then I heard a voice. It said, "Use the force, Ziva." And I did. Steeling myself for the most important game of charades I've ever played, I used my Jedi mime tricks to tell Darth Vader about his impending castration.
Arms flailing, hair flying and legs kicking, I told Darth Vader what to expect; that his man bits might not be quite as sizeable after the little operation, and he looked at me with despair in his little kitty eyes. But I said, "Size matters not, ... Look at me. Judge me by size, do you?" And he said, "You're huge." And I said, "Yeah, I keep forgetting you’re a cat and you’re tiny compared to me."
Then we had a bit of an awkward pause.
But I soon gathered my thoughts again, and said, "Look, Darth No-Balls, errr, Darth Vader, just because you have the snip snip.." But he interrupted me, quite rudely, and said, "Snip snip?! This is no snip snip! This is more like cut cut snip snip dig around rip it out and sew it shut again. And all the other cats will go 'Lost his balls Darth Vader has. How embarrassing…' "
And the only words of comfort I could offer him were, "Don't worry; you’ll still have your lightsaber."
Author's note: I apologize deeply to anyone who hasn't seen the Star Wars movies, and urge you to do so before you declare me mentally insane.
Author's note, vol. 2: I also apologize deeply for creating my first LOL cat picture. You may declare me mentally insane. *