Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Hello, my name is Ziva and I'm a chocoholic.

Many, many bad things have come out of the United States of America, cheeseburgers and Microsoft being a couple of those, but I am very happy to tell you that Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are not one of them. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups actually validate the existence of the entire country. If it weren’t for Reese’s, I’m pretty sure the USA would cease to exist solely on the grounds that there isn’t any decent chocolate in the entire country. Much in the same way that Switzerland was just a big mountain with lots of cheese and weird accents before they invented Toblerone and were officially promoted to divine holiness and will now forever hold a position of no-war zone and happy chocolaty goodness.

The last time I visited God’s Promised Land (USA, not Switzerland), my life was forever changed. Everything I knew was turned upside down when I for the first time ever had a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. It could be compared to the first time I realized I can actually count to a million if I wanted to. For the first time I stepped out of the dark and into the light. Angels sang the Hallelujah chorus and suddenly my world was filled with little ponies that all ate rainbows and pooped butterflies. Kinda like going from black-and-white TV to color TV. A color TV that spews fire. That’s how awesome Reese’s are. They’re the Death Machine of color TVs.

When I left America I thought for sure I would never see a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup again. So naturally I stocked up on them. I had the regular kind, the kind with the creamy insides, the kind that comes in a bar and the king size cups. I even had itty bitty mini Reese’s. I went totally MacGyver on the Reese’s store. My suitcase weighed about 10 lbs more than was allowed, all of it Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. As you can probably guess, the Reese’s lasted about a week. Ever since then my life has been dull, all black-and-white non-fire spewing TV again.

Until today. M and I were walking past the “America shelf” in our local grocery store. (Yes, every store in Finland has an America shelf that is full of the unhealthiest things ever in life and people stand before them and stare in awe for hours.) And there it was.

I have never seen anything as beautiful before. I got tears in my eyes and I felt weak to my knees. I of course had to buy some. And I’ll probably need something from the store again tomorrow. And the day after that. My only question now is: how long can a human being survive on nothing but Reese’s? *


  1. This is why you have a toothache. I have a toothache just thinking about it. You have forsaken the cheesecake for the Reeses. Things will never be right in my American world ever again.

    Reeses are the devil. We can't buy them for fear that we will go into a Reeses coma and we can't be responsible for what happens in a Reeses coma.

  2. Sin - I actually think I had the toothache way before I found the Reese's... I can't really be sure, though, because I think I might be high on sugar and peanut butter and I can't seem to remember a single thing about life B.R. (Before Reese's).

    Don't worry, though, I could still have some cheesecake. And some Olive Garden bread sticks... I wonder if a bread stick coma is as dangerous as a Reese's coma.

  3. Americans have been living on Reeses and worse for decades now. We're all fat, lazy and xenophobic, but we're fairly happy, too (as long as they don't take our guns). In life, there are always tradeoffs, I guess.

    Again, you surprised me with your literate writing. I loved this line: "Angels sang the Hallelujah chorus and suddenly my world was filled with little ponies that all ate rainbows and pooped butterflies."

  4. MikeWJ - you almost make me wish I were American. Reese's, guns, xenophobia... The joys of life. Throw in a butterfly-pooping pony and life is perfect.



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