Saturday, February 27, 2010

Finland Still Scored More Goals Per Capita Than The US

The Finnish hockey team can now double as a vacuum. Usually they don’t manage to suck this hard unless they have a solid lead to get rid of, but this time, they managed it right from the start. I think they might have dressed 25 monkeys in hockey gear and sent them out on the ice. I can’t tell you how many Finnish TVs went flying out the window at the 6th goal. It couldn’t have been worse if the figure skating team had been sent out there with the American hockey team. Blood, guts and dignity went flying.

I’m thinking about taking up crocheting as a hobby. Or fishing. As long as it isn’t an Olympic sport, it’s fine. Although, in all honesty, the US team was simply better this time. There’s no getting around it. My little Finnish heart is bleeding. The US team ate us up, spit us out, stomped on us, got the truck, drove over us, backed up, drove over us again, made us bend over, only to set fire to us and then throw us in the Atlantic. I feel used.

Good thing I don’t care about hockey. *


  1. USA! USA! USA!

    Oh, sorry about the national disgrace and all. I'm sure the Finnish hockey players did very well for their age. They're like bantams or something, right? I mean, I assume so, given the goal differential. Or was it your women's hockey team that was playing? I think I did see a few players sobbing.....

  2. Mike - Ohh just you wait. I'll be chanting "Canada! Canada! Canada!" this evening when you get your collective asses kicked. Also, I do believe the Finnish team made up for their major sucking against USA by not sucking quite as hard this morning and actually winning the bronze game. Now they're ready for the retirement home.



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