Regretfully, my stomach wasn’t quite agreeing with me even though I ordered it to stop making a fuss. I really hate it when my internal organs can’t take orders. When it became clear to the nurses that not only could I not work, but I actually couldn’t even stand up on my own, they decided to call an ambulance. At that, I shot up from the floor and started doing jumping jacks. Or more accurately, mostly just screamed “NO!” and stood up very slowly. Imagine, if you will, a very old lady who has trouble standing up and is bent at the waist and fighting to keep from passing out or throwing up. Yeah, that was me. I’m younger, though. Hardly old at all.
One of the nurses drove me to the emergency room and left me there to be
I had the privilege of peeing in a cup and then I got to go to sleep for an hour or so before the doctor came back and punched me in the gut again. This time, however, I was feeling no pain and laughed him in the face. I might have told him about the ponies and bunnies, I can’t remember. I slept a little more and then the doctor told me to jump up and down a little. I did, and apparently I passed the test because he then told me to go home and to come back if I suddenly developed a fever or the stomach pains got worse. He didn’t think it was my appendix, but I should still jump up and down every now and then to make sure. I can only assume that when you have appendicitis you are suddenly unable to jump because the appendix has taken over control of your jumping muscles.
In other news, true to my predictions, I’m considering an imminent relocation to Libya. Ever since December we’ve had steady cold-as-hell weather with a couple feet of snow. As I was watching the news today, I was greeted by a perky weather girl who said that on Sunday morning winter will start for real. The weather will get colder. I’m assuming it will reach absolute zero since it’s been pretty freaking close to that all winter. Just the other day I took a walk with my thermos of nitrogen, and when I opened the thermos the nitrogen had turned to liquid form. Yes, it was that cold. Also, on Sunday morning a new snow storm will arrive. Today’s snow storm that buried my car in snow in under an hour apparently didn’t count. I need a bigger snow brush. *