Friday, January 28, 2011

When the Dangly Bits Stop Dangling, You Know You're In Trouble

I received an email yesterday. It was from MikeWJ, asking me if I’m dead. The question took me by surprise as I hadn’t even entertained the notion of actually being alive. I took stock of myself, and it turns out I’m not dead at all. How do I know this? M told me so. Personally, I’m still not sure.

The other day all the dangly little bits at the back of my mouth suddenly realized that they were subject to the laws of physics, and as such they were pulled downwards by a little thing called gravity while at the same time being affected by a little thing I like to call the common cold. The common cold is a nasty little bug that gets you when you least expect it. It turned all the dangly little bits into huge dangly bits, that immediately lost all their dangly properties and instead adopted a nasty habit of just resting quite uncomfortably on the back of my tongue, getting in the way of everything I try to eat or drink and making me talk like I’m a great fan of storing a whole hot potato in my mouth for later use. Which I’m not. I support immediate use of whole hot potatoes. At the same time, the nasty little bug called the common cold planted a mucus factory in my sinuses, and went to work producing impressive amounts of snot, most of which I expel through my nose into what I can only assume is a small rainforest worth of tissues.

At the moment my brain is tired of working, so in lieu of intelligent text, I’ll serve you up some pictures, like a good blogger should.

My beautiful Kindle, which has kept me company while the nasty little bug has been trying to turn my body into mush (it’s a technical term.)

We call this a “tree.”

These are “roses” that M gave me.

This is me trying to be artsy. Apparently a fancy camera doesn’t come with free skills.

This is Tiger, he keeps me company when I’m too tired to read. He’s way better at it than M.


  1. Oh Baby, I'm so sorry you are under the weather! (Of course, in Finland, that's probably not an expression that means a lot!) Might I suggest some home made chicken soup. If you will have M email me, I'll be glad to provide him with directions. Chicken soup is very healing. A humidifier can really help with the sinus thing. Also, stay in bed until you are better. You don't want this getting worse. And it won't hurt M to learn how to wait on you hand and foot!

  2. Oh, THOSE dangly bits. Yeah, I hate when that happens. Get well soon.

  3. Hum....when I saw dangly bits as the title, I thought you were going to discuss....

    Oops. Never mind.

    Tonsils. You mean tonsils. Bummer.

    I hope your nasty little friend Common Cold unfriends you soon.

    I love the Tiger!

  4. Poor Lemmikki! I hope you feel better soon. And thank you for sharing those lovely pictures with us, but tell the truth, the second call that a puu, don't you? Now tell M to take care of you. ♥

  5. Hope you feel better. Being sick sucks. Dangly bits are like cobwebs in the throat. They team tag with mucous. Yuck! Love the pictures. Was that white circle a UFO? The roses and tree are especially cool looking.

  6. As Gilda Radner used to say, "It'll behoove ya to care for your uvula." Hope your uvula's feeling perkier soon!

  7. Does your cold make you snore? Mine do. But I'm with Linda - Jewish Penicillan (chicken soup) - it generally gets rid of the snore which is sometimes is replaced by whining. Oy!

    Get better soon!

  8. So do you read books on your Kindle in English? You amaze me, my flemmy Finnish friend. Please take care of yourself. Get plenty of rest and drink lots of fluids, with or without alcohol in them, of course. You're too young to die young.

    P.S. -- As a fellow amateur photographer, I love your photos. The one you call "Tree" is especially nice, although here in the states we call them "light poles."

  9. Linda: You're the best, you know that? It seems I'm on my way to recovery, but I think M's devoted waiting on me has made him sick now. Oh well, as long as he doesn't expect me to wait on him.

    Noname: Yep, those dangly bits. I bet men all over the world wouldn't mind if certain other dangly bits would swell up to four times their natural size, though.

    Reffie: Hehe... Tiger is awesome, isn't he. He's such a sweetheart.

    Nicky: That's the cutest little heart ever! Do you guys like have a little heart on your keyboard in the same way we have å, ä and ö? Puu, that's very close, but we call it a träd.

    Lauren: The white thingy was a huge round lamp post. But you're right, it looks more like a UFO. I'm just going to tell people it's a UFO from now on.

    Boom Boom: My uvula is feeling much better, thank you very much! :)

    00dozo: I asked M if I snore, but he couldn't say. I don't actually think he's ever seen me sleep. It takes me hours to fall asleep, and I wake up before M, or at the very latest when he wakes up.

    MikeWJ: It's been a long time since I read any book in Swedish or Finnish, I prefer to read them in English, actually. When M got me the Kindle, I read five books in two days, but I'm trying to take it a little easier on my Visa card now. Needless to say, I love it.

    I'm curious, how old do you have to be to die young? I woudln't call myself an amateur photographer, yet. I'm still just an amateur amateur photographer.

  10. Träd? Träd?! I checked 3 online translators and they all told me puu. Lying bastards! It's a freakin' conspiracy is what it is. The translators are trying to take over the world by making us miscommunicate and inadvertently insult each other subsequently causing international incidents that result in the downfall of humanity and the destruction of our planet!!! Rise up people!!! Fight the power!

    So, what does puu mean, anyway?

  11. Nicky, honey, of course you were right. Puu is Finnish for tree. However, M and I still speak Swedish, nothing has changed since the last time I told you this. And in Swedish, tree is träd. Insane, I know.

  12. Ok, that's just fucked up. And I keep forgetting that you speak Swedish, not Finnish. It's just such a foreign concept (Hahaha, I cracked myself up with that one!). It's like a Canadian speaking French. Weird :-)

  13. Oh no, Ziva! I hope you feel better soon. Being sick sucks. And I love these photos. The "tree" one made me laugh.

  14. I think you have to be at least 46. Before that and you're dying " tragically young."

  15. Nicky: Oh, I totally understand that you don't remember it, I wouldn't either. And even to me those French-speaking Canadians are just freaky.

    Meleah: Being sick definitely sucks. Luckily, I'm feeling much better now. I think I passed the bug on to M. Hehehe..

    MikeWJ: You proably don't get this alot, but I think you're right. Before 46 really is "tragically young."

  16. I'm right? I don't know what those words mean, but I think it's good, right?



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