Here’s what I’m suggesting; let’s make things a little more interesting. To start with, the 100 meter run is just ridiculous. It only lasts for 10 seconds and especially men will be ridiculously proud of themselves after finishing the run. It’s a lot like sex, actually. I’m suggesting that we make those 10 seconds count. Let loose a few lions on the track to chase the runners, the one who wins is spared, while the other ones become cat food. That way it would make sense to have an event as short as the 100 meter run – because by then the lions will surely have caught up with you.
The javelin throw could also be made more interesting. How about little animals, children and senior citizens running around in the field, and if you hit one you get extra points. Also, if you hit a kid or an animal in just the right spot, it will probably run in the other directions before it falls down dead, carrying your javelin that much further. Score! Avoid hitting the senior citizens, though, they are slow and will most likely just fall onto their back.
The steeplechase really needs a few alligators in the water jump, and the long jump could definitely benefit from a pit of hot coals instead of boring sand. Or why not a great empty abyss that you will fall into if you can’t jump far enough.
The pole vault is pretty manly as it is – I sure wouldn’t do it – but I know we could make it a little more interesting if we tried. Tall sharp spikes instead of a mattress perhaps? Maybe the spikes could come up at regular intervals and if you didn’t time your jump to perfection you would get impaled. And how about a little fire on the high jump bar?
Tell me you wouldn’t want to see that?
Like this, but more painful.*