We Said Cash, Not Ash!

I don’t know if you guys have noticed this, but the economy is sort of fucked up lately. Many countries are battling with lousy economy, unemployment and bad weather. But some countries have it worse than others. I’m of course talking about Iceland.

Iceland went bankrupt. Then the rest of Europe bought Iceland, as a friendly gesture, and then told Iceland that they really should pay for their keep. Iceland didn’t like this at all. Which is completely understandable, since they did have wonderful horses and shouldn’t really have to pay for themselves. But no one seemed to notice the lovely horses with all the talk about money, and poor Iceland felt like no one was listening.

So one day, Iceland decided it was payback time. The Icelanders chose the most beautiful girl form the village, a young blonde girl named Brynhildur Hjálmarsdóttir. Brynhildur had been a seriously ugly child when she was little, and as punishment, her mother had given her the name Brynhildur. It had meant endless teasing in school and countless hours of therapy with the village witch doctor. Luckily, Brynhildur grew up to be a beautiful young woman, but forever scarred by her horrible name, she was more than happy to carry out the honorable task that the village of Iceland had bestowed upon her.

So one sunny day in March of 2010, Brynhildur took her pet goat and hiked up the volcano on Eyjafjallajökull. She prepared for the sacrifice with utmost care. She combed the goat’s fur, painted its hoofs and made it look its best. Then she sent the goat back down and jumped into the volcano, performing the human sacrifice needed for the volcanic gods to take note and send reinforcements.

Not Brynhildur’s pet goat.

It so happens that the volcanic gods didn’t mind Brynhildur’s ugly name, and sent up reinforcements in the form of lava, fire and most importantly, ash. Lots of ash. So much ash, in fact, that almost every major airport in Northern Europe is now closed. Millions of travellers are stranded at airports, feeling sorry for Iceland angry and desperate. Weirdly, the huge ash plume has drifted away from Iceland and their airspace is now as clean as a baby’s bottom. They are free to travel wherever they want. Except Europe, but who’d want to go there anyway?

That volcano clearly ate something inappropriate last night.

I know you’re all worried, but fear not. There is no need to worry about us poor souls, stranded in Europe. We will be fine. As long as we don’t breathe the air. Or are too fond of sunshine. I’m a dark person, so I’ll be particularly fine. And I have Brynhildur’s pet goat to keep me company. *

We Said Cash, Not Ash!