Boobquake Day

Yesterday might have been the best day ever. Not because I’m absolutely swamped with schoolwork and I didn’t even have the time to blog, but because yesterday was Boobquake Day. For those of you who don’t know why there were boobs on display everywhere, I’ll explain. See the thing is, with all this seismic activity nowadays, experts have been at a loss as to what causes these earthquakes and volcanic eruptions. But finally, the foremost expert has stepped forth and announced the cause of these natural disasters. Anyone care to take a guess on what the cause is?

If you answered breasts and women wearing low-cut shirts, showing too much skin, you were right. Women, with their promiscuous behavior and revealing clothes are spreading adultery in society and causing earthquakes, according to an Iranian cleric. I can’t believe it’s taken this long for someone to finally just tell it as it is. Of course earthquakes are caused by boobs, it makes perfect sense. I wonder what would happen if everyone showed their butt.

Just to show everyone that this Iranian cleric was indeed right, yesterday was declared Boobquake Day. Thousands of women bared their breasts in the name of science, aiming to show the world that disaster comes from pretty things. I even personally made sure to wear the most plunging neckline I could find. Katla will be going off any day now.

But I think my low-cut shirt yesterday made it difficult for M to think properly, because he was not making any sense at all:

Ziva (returning home from work): Jeez, there were cops everywhere, I had to drive like a common cuckoo.

M (staring at my cleavage and looking confused): A cuckoo?

Ziva: Yeah, slow, you know?

M: Do cuckoos drive slowly?

Ziva: Well have you ever seen one speeding?

M: Umm… No.

Ziva: Well there you have it.

M (looking very confused): Okay.

Ziva: Why are you holding your passport?

M: I’m going to Sweden.

Ziva: Do you need a passport to go to Sweden?

M: No.

Ziva: So why the passport?

M (still looking very confused): Well if you fly there they sometimes ask to see it.

Ziva: Are you flying? I thought you were taking the boat?

M: Umm, we are taking the boat.

Ziva: So why the passport?

M: Just in case?

Ziva: Going to Sweden is like going to Helsinki, they’re not going to ask you for your passport. I’m not even sure Sweden is a separate country. Now, you know where a passport should be required? When you go to that place you grew up in. I know it’s on Finnish territory and all, but no one should have to end up there by mistake.

M (looking both confused and a little offended at the same time): You’re mean.

Ziva: Yeah, and I drive like a cuckoo, I have no idea why you love me.

M: Me neither.

The common cuckoo, albeit very pretty in a common kind of way, is a very slow driver.

M will be 26 on Monday, and I don’t have a present for him yet. Luckily, with him and his passport in Sweden, I have all the time in the world to find him a present. So today after school I went in search of a birthday present for him. I had a couple ideas about what to get him, and decided that I would not be allowed to buy anything else before I had found his present. I came home with new jeans, a new book, a banana and some roasted and salted macadamia nuts. No birthday present. This is what happens when you let a woman shop alone, I just walk around, with no goal, no plan and end up buying stuff for myself instead. I’m going to have to go back tomorrow with a proper game plan.

In, out, done.

Just like a man. *

Boobquake Day