Friday, July 16, 2010

This Is My 100th Post, But You Didn't Hear It From Me

It seems like people like to remember and celebrate stuff like the 100th post, and the one-year anniversary, the two-year anniversary, the 500th post, the 666th post, you know stuff like that. So in order to be a little original, I won’t mention that this is my 100th post at all, and I’ll focus on something completely different than the fact that this is my 100th post on this blog. Like, for example, did you know that you are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider? It’s a real shame it’s not an irrational fear of champagne corks that I have, that would have saved me a lot of problems. I had no idea people frowned upon accidentally driving up onto the sidewalk when you notice there’s a spider sitting on your steering wheel. You’d think if there ever was a time to drive on the sidewalk, that would be it. Also, did you know that a hippo can open its mouth wide enough to fit a 4-foot tall child inside? Or a 4-foot piece of wood. Or a 4-foot garden gnome. Anything that’s 4 feet tall and you want to get rid of, really.

 Have a toddler you want to get rid of? Throw it right in!

On this, the day when I won’t mention that this is my 100th post at all, M and I are going to go see my BFF Zelma play some Irish music in a pub. She’s in a band where she plays the violin, some dude plays the guitar, and some other chick who might like to be called Zeidi plays the violin and another dude plays the drums and yet another chick plays the violin, and then there’s this other dude on guitar and one dude on bass. I’ve never heard the entire band play, but after today I’ll know if they suck or not. They better be great, though, this is after all my 100th post, which I won’t mention.

Tomorrow, coincidentally on the day after my 100th post, M and I have to get up at the crack of dawn and attend a wedding somewhere in the virgin forest where M grew up. I already painted my nails a nice shade of black to go with the summer theme.

Well I guess that’s about all I have to say today, since I’m not going to mention that this is my 100th post. I sure hope everyone has a nice weekend. *


  1. In which way would you react if you'd notice there's a hippo on your steering wheel while driving?

  2. M: I'd probably think "thank god I'm 4'1." And then I'd take out the old lady on the sidewalk.

  3. I just ran over to the Catholic Church two blocks away to light a candle for you Ziva and that 100th Post. But now that I did that, I want you to be sure the old lady on the sidewalk isn't your dear Linda. I thought lighting the candle would be a nice touch. I think they charge you to do that because there's a money slot, but I didn't pay so it's not really a holy gesture I guess. Have fun today. Enjoy the summer wedding in the virgin forest tomorrow, but look out for trees! (Or does a virgin forest have trees?)

  4. Since you don't care about your 100th post, and we all know you don't want to make a huge big deal about it - you know, it's like not wanting to admit your over 30 years old - I won't say "congrats".

    So, exactly how does a forest lose its virginity??

  5. I'm not going to leave a comment congratulating you on your 100th post, but I will leave a comment telling you how happy I am to finally know how wide a hippopotamus can open its mouth and I really wish I'd known that when my own kids were small.

  6. Without getting too personal is it a virgin wedding in the virgin forest? Happy 100th. I'm celebrating a little milestone of my own Monday. You should drop by.

  7. If the bands sucks, feed them to the hippo that tripped the old lady that almost got knocked down on the sidewalk because M saw a spider on the steering wheel.

    Wait. I think I jumbled that a bit. ;-)

    Congrats on your...uh....some milestone number of posts. I forgot already.

  8. Congratulations on attending a wedding that isn't yours! That is truly an amazing accomplishment!

    I'm curious, though, aren't you a little worried about entering the virgin forest a little bit like the way I worry the hand of God will strike me down if I enter a church?

  9. Linda: You're so sweet, lighting a candle for me. I bet it helped too, because I haven't taken out any nice old ladies this weekend. Yet.

    00dozo: Thank you so much for not saying 'congrats', I appreciate it. How does a forest lose its virginity? I'm pretty sure I've heard that joke before, I just can't remember it...

    Frank: I'm sure you could get rid of bigger people too, just be sure to chop them up into nice 4-foot tall pieces before you attempt it.

    MikeWJ: Thank you very much, kind sir.

    nonamedufus: Don't be silly, I'm sure the groom had the bride checked out to make sure her virtue was intact before he accepted the goats. We're not savages. I'll be sure to stop by your place!

    Reffie: Thanks! I'm really sad I didn't have a hippo at the wedding, because while Zelma's band was awesome, the band at the wedding sucked big time. Definitely hippo food.

    Nicky: Thank you! I felt very proud at the wedding. And when the trees started closing in on me, calling me bad names, I just took out the chainsaw I had in my back pocket for just such occasions.

  10. I love Irish pubs. Irish accents are cool too. As are limericks. Which I'll attempt now, for no reason. Well, for the reason that you mentioned an Irish pub. So.

    I'm gonna spit out a poem
    Cause I can while I'm sitting at home
    I'd say of this post
    That Ziva's the most
    And she mentioned a 4 foot tall gnome.

    Congrats on something or other!

  11. mike: Thank you Mike, I loved the limerick! I read it aloud to M with an Irish accent, but he just asked me if I'm feeling okay.



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