Thursday, June 10, 2010

No Trips, No Questions, No Weed, No Blogging

I’ve been caught in a bit of a slump lately, not really knowing what to blog about. I guess it happens to everyone but you never realize how silly you feel until it happens to you. Luckily, I came up with a great idea on how to get me out of the slump. I would look through my old posts for some inspiration. Original, I know.

The post I did about our trip to Rome was quite fun and I thought about doing one of those. That could be fun, right? I’d tell you about killer scooters and losing my wallet and you’d laugh and say “shit happens”. But then when I started writing I realized that M and I haven’t actually been on any trip lately, so that was sort of out of the question.

Then I remembered the one about the pile of burning money. That would be fun, right? You’d ask me something interesting and I’d make up some bullshit story about running towards or away from the burning money. But then as I started writing I realized that it was an “Ask Ziva” kind of post and people just aren’t asking me any interesting stuff.

But then I remembered the Easter grass thing that I did way back in, well around Easter time. That was fun, wasn’t it? Something we could all share, a little miracle being born, and then invaded by cheap plastic toys. I started writing, but soon realized that I would have to grow something before I could write about it. And since it’s obviously not Easter now, I had to find something else to grow. Something that grows rather quickly and is pretty to look at. At first I thought about tulips, but the neighbor threw rocks at me when I tried to steal her tulip bulbs. Then I thought about strawberries, but M wasn’t too fond of the idea of turning our balcony into a vegetable garden. Then it hit me, the perfect thing to grow; weed! But apparently one of my nosy neighbors saw me bring up the lamp thingy that I needed and the little baby marijuana plants because the next thing I knew I had a cop knocking on my door, and then there were handcuffs and jail and bail and blah blah blah. So yeah, that didn’t work out.

So now I’m sitting here again, with nothing to write about. Could I be more boring? *


  1. You can't grow a little tiny bit of weed in Finland? You can't be serious! I've wanted to plant some in the garden but Alex won't let me. (Fuddy duddy!) Ziva, I am really concerned at the politics of your Country. Now don't get me wrong, no place is perfect, but just a little sweet weed plant and her come the Fuzz? Tell me you are joking. I need to go take a hot bath and soak this travesty of justice right out of my mind!

  2. I didn't me "her come", I meant "here come" but it's all good.

  3. I'm just glad you checked in so that we know your alive and, well, no longer incarcerated. Ha! I got caught once, well maybe twice, with weed. The first time was of no consequence, the second one sent us to a court appearance. Considering all the characters that also had to appear that day, we looked like the "Brady Bunch" of weed growers - I think the judge even giggled.

  4. I prefer a finished product. I still don't understand why many people still regard weed as a weed. Believe me. I'd rather have weed take over my, um, er grass rather than dandelions.

  5. Linda - Nope, no weed allowed here. Although I think our neighbor across the yard grows weed, but he's probably a bit more discreet about it than I was, what with taking out an ad in the local paper saying "baby weed plants wanted" and all.

    00dozo - You made a judge giggle? That's awesome. I've never understood the whole having to see a judge thing about minor stuff like tickets and whatnot. What's the point in that? If you have to see a judge in Finland, you know you're screwed. Really screwed.

    Lauren - Well yeah, that makes sense, I'm pretty sure you can't smoke dandelions. Right? Weed is always to prefer.

  6. Ziva, baby, you were in prison? Handcuffed, dragged out and tossed into a cell with other women?! This is quite...well, hot really. I need a cold shower. And urgently.

  7. Evil Twin suggests growing this stuff that comes in leaves of three.

    I slapped her. "Leaves of three, let it be." It's probably poison oak, ivy, or sumac.


  8. I'm amazed that you can't grow weeds there. Seems almost criminal if you ask me. A few weed seeds never hurt anyone!

  9. I'm a little puzzled by the comments expressing surprise that you can't legally grow weed in Finland. Is there anywhere you can legally grow weed? (No, really. I'm asking.)

    Glad you're out, anyway. Hope you kept the handcuffs.

  10. We have three rooms for rent here at our office on the other side of the road. If you need some privacy...

  11. ...for your strawberries, of course.

  12. Nicky - I kept the handcuffs, wanna come over?

    ReformingGeek - Evil Twin is a genius! I could totally grow poison ivy - it would be interesting to look at, and no cops would come and take them away from me.

    Mrsblogalot - Yep, criminal is exactly what it is. No really, it is, don't do it.

    Frank - To my knowledge, growing weed is not legal anywhere, not even in the Netherlands. Sure, they won't actively hunt you down unless you have more than 5 plants, but it's still unlawful. As is possession, by the way. There's quite a difference between something being legal and a law being subject to non-enforcement.

    However, being arrested every now and then is awesome - I totally kept those handcuffs.

    Jonas - Oh yeah, that's true! I'll be right over with my plants. strawberry plants, of course.

  13. the irony is that if you did puff some, you would undoubtedly find something to write ; )

  14. Is your slump due to the fact that you've finished with all your deadlines? I find that when I'm busy with non-blog related things, all I can think about is blog related things. It's the very best part about procrastination. I'm not saying that you're at your best when you're procrastinating or anything. Or maybe I am. My theory is that writing slumps are just due to our brains shifting gears. Or something like that.

  15. Sammy - Oh yeah, I could probably write an entire post about the munchies and chips and ice cream and Chinese food and pizza and chocolate and... Yum.

    Mike - You know, you're probably right. Procrastination really does bring out the best in me. Well, at least when it comes to blogging, not so much when it comes to getting actual work done. Luckily, I start working tomorrow and should be back to blogging in no time!

  16. Shit, Ziva, don't tell me about your problems with weed or your writer's block. I've been crashed in a smokey opium den in San Francisco for the last four or five weeks, stoned out of my mind, pissing my pants because I'm too high to stand up and living on nothing but cups of noodles and warm beer. I'm so strung out, I don't know where I am, what time it is, or whether I'm still in the same universe I was in two months ago. The only good news is that whereas once I used to be a heroin addict, now I'm a morphine addict.

    I do have a question for you, though:

    How are you and M doing? I mean, really, how are the two of you getting along? Are you madly in love, thinking about moving to the south of France and having lots of bilingual babies, or drifting apart, increasingly distanced by your schooling and his career, not to mention your radically different breakfast chair habits?

  17. The writers slump must be going around.

    My problem is that I'm just a lazy bastard. I've got things I could write about, I just never get around to doing it for some reason.

  18. I have an award for you Ziva Darling!

  19. MikeWJ - Aww, we're great, thank you for asking. The breakfast chair problem has slowly evolved into a yoghurt chair problem, but we're working on it. We even found a chair problems anonymous. There's some steps and whatnot and at the moment he's calling everyone who he's had yoghurt with and apologizing for leaving the chair out. I'm not sure, though, but I might be feeding his yoghurt habit, and if I'm not careful he'll end up resenting me and leaving his chair out on purpose and then I'll have to go back to druggies anonymous. Great.

    Candice - Be happy you're just lazy. I'm lazy AND boring and that's just pathetic.

    Linda - OMG, again? I must be doing something right with this whole not-blogging thing.

  20. I've tried to tell people that chairs are a gateway sitting device to yoghurt-chair addictions, but nobody listens to me. They're like all, "Hey, chairs should be legal for everybody, man, because they're natural and make people feel good and aren't any worse than couches or futons. By the way, do you have any Cheetos, dude?"

    Tell M good luck with the CA program. It's the 11th step--seeking through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we stand before Him without a chair to sit on, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to keep standing without a chair--that's the most difficult for most people.

  21. Wow, man, I could hardly see that post for all the smoke. You know, dude, maybe if you stopped smokin' all that weed you'd be able to concentrate on a blog post. Ya know? Oh, and yeah, is Dave there? 'Cause Dave's not HERE man. Peace, baby.

  22. You sure Dave's not here, Noname? It's pretty dark in here, and there's a funny smell. Maybe I should light a match.

  23. MikeWJ - You are a very wise man.

    Nonamedufus - Don't mind the smoke, it's the chairs that'll kill ya.

    Frank - Do not light that match! I'm pretty sure Dave farted.



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