Thursday, December 3, 2009

Good Thing I Bought the Death Machine

Not only do my teeth hate me, apparently Steve hates me too. For those of you who don’t know me Steve is my car. He’s an 18-wheeler disguised as a Volkswagen Vento. Steve is a great summer car. He’s reliable and steady and while he can’t hold on to his license plates worth crap, he’s always a nice ride.

During the winter he goes from being a wonderful car to being a pain in the ass. See, Steve doesn’t like the cold. Past winters I’ve had to crawl in through the passenger side door and crawl over the center console to get in behind the wheel. We haven’t really had much of a winter over here yet, but the past couple of days we’ve had temps below freezing and today Steve decided he didn’t want to play.

I was on my way to work and like every other day, I shoved the key into the door lock. Except the lock was jammed with ice, so I only shoved the key half way into the lock. I tried a few times and finally got the key all the way in. Then, like every other day, I turned the key. Except, the key wouldn’t turn because the lock was still jammed with ice. I tried the passenger side door – also jammed. I tried the driver’s side again. Then the passenger side once more. Nothing. At this point I realized I was getting late for work, so I ran back inside to find the lock de-icer in M’s apartment. While searching through his stuff I was silently praying that he actually had lock de-icer at home or I’d have to carry a pot of boiling water out to the car.

Thankfully I didn’t have to boil water, I’m not all that good in the kitchen. I found the de-icer and ran back out to the car. I de-iced the lock and shoved the key back in. The damned key still wouldn’t turn. I tried again, nope. I tried the passenger side. And then the driver’s side. And then the passenger side once more. This time it did turn and the central locking system opened.

I took a moment to swear over being so late for work, and then, like every other day, I opened the door and stepped inside. Except, the door wouldn’t open. It was frozen solid. I tried the driver’s side. Wouldn’t budge. I tried a couple more times, then realized I wasn’t strong enough and looked around for someone stronger. Sure enough, on a lot nearby a group of strong manly male workers were, well working.

I stepped up and asked for help. They looked at me a little funny, then one of the manly men came to my rescue and yanked the door open. I use the term open in a very loose capacity here as he mostly just yanked and rocked the car back and forward like it was starring in a film about an earthquake. The door still wouldn’t open. After a couple minutes of playing “Shake the Steve” I thanked the guy for being of no help to me at all and called M see if he’d let me borrow his little silver car.

M came running home from work to give me the keys to his car and saved the day. My knight in shining armor, he is. I made it to work almost on time and when I got home after work my knight had made me dinner. Let’s all say it together: “Awwww…”

Now I just have to wait for summer and Steve to melt so I can start driving my own car again. *


  1. Awww, I threw up a little in my mouth. That was so sweet.

  2. Yep. M couldn't be sweeter if he were dipped in honey. Although, I probably won't feel that way tomorrow when his alarm clock wakes me up when I want to sleep in.

  3. Dipped in honey! Hah! That's a good one. He does sound sweet, though.

  4. Yes, luckily he isn't dipped in honey, though. It would be terribly annoying if he walked around all day, dripping honey all over the place.



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