Monday, September 7, 2009

China in My Heart

Frankly, I’m a little disappointed. I thought I’d be independently wealthy by now, but I guess my brain didn’t quite do it. Next time I'm selling my kidney.

M and I went on a road trip this weekend. We got up on Sunday and spun one of those old globe thingies to choose our destination for the day. It said China. Thinking China was a little bit of a stretch for a one-day road trip, we went to Google Maps instead and did a very boring time/distance estimation. We decided on a tiny coastal town some 90 miles to the east. Not exactly China, but close enough.

The trip there was uneventful; we stopped by another town, checked out the place where M did his military service and such. Then we got to our destination and found a harbor. Sadly, what we wanted to find was a beach. After some driving around, we found this:

And on the other side of the beach, a hugely ugly factory. These pictures are taken with my phone, so you can’t really see how beautiful the beach is and how ugly that factory is, but use your imagination.

At this point of the trip we were starving and needed to find food ASAP or we might wither away and die. We drove past small streets that looked abandoned by all of mankind and at last found a big residential area. We drove around in big circles, but soon realized that either the people in this town never ate, or we were just too stupid to find the main street. Eventually we did find the main street. It looked like this:

Did you notice the complete lack of people? Yeah, so did we. How about the fact that it looks more like a dirty alley than a main street with restaurants and whatnot? Yeah, we noticed that too. How about the fact that the photographer is apparently useless and you can see more of her shadow than you can of the street? Yeah, my bad, sorry about that.

We also saw the Loch Ness monster. To tell you the truth, I expected it to be scarier.

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Nope, it’s the front end of a plane nailed to a huge pole in the middle of the woods. And a lot more scary than the Loch Ness monster.

On the way back, M let me drive his car. My own car is called Steve. It’s big and blue and not entirely unlike a tank. It runs more like a ship than a car and weighs roughly as much as Mount Everest. It takes one minute to reach 60mph and when you’re turning the wheel you actually have to grab it properly and use every bit of strength you have. Once I was rear-ended at a red light and the car that hit me was leaking fluids and was crumpled and losing bits of plastic left and right. Steve didn’t have a scratch.

M has a cute little silver car that has a lot more horsepower than Steve. It hardly weighs more than I do and you can turn the wheel using the tip of your finger. I’m sure M thought that putting me behind the wheel of that and letting me take it out on the highway was a good idea, but I’m also pretty sure he regretted that later. I’m not sure if it was the 20mph over the speed limit, the zigzagging between slower cars or the general disregard of all traffic rules that did him in, but he was gripping the seat pretty damn hard the entire ride home. But I had a blast.

Happy Monday! *


  1. Ooh, I'm eagerly awaiting the biddig for your kidney, I'd better start collecting some nice things to trade for that one.

    I guess "it seemed like a good idea at the moment" summarizes letting you test my car ;P I'd actually say that part of me gripping the seat hard was due to the stupid drivers around us and the pouring rain, not just your heavy right foot ;P

  2. Might I say that I heart M because he's so good to you? And if he manages to continue to be good to you (ie: letting you drive his little silver car like a race car driver with a lead foot) he will stay in my good graces and away from my baseball bat hit list.

    Not so much for my own M. The baseball bat is too good for him some days.

    I'm glad you two went off galavanting around this weekend. I wish I would've let you drive when you were here. That could've been fun. LOL

  3. M - for you, I'll give away my kidney practically for free. And for the record, I can't help it if the drivers around us let a silly little thing like a torrential downpour slow them down. And the guy at the traffic light was just plain stupid.

    Sin - I heart M too. Not your M, though - he can be an ass and deserves a beating with the baseball bat every now and then.

    If you had let me drive while I was there it would have ended badly for sure, I'm not entirely sure I know how to operate an automatic. :P

  4. Operating an automatic is a piece of cake. It allows for you to talk on the phone, text and drink coffee while smoking a cigerette. I mean, you could do all that while shifting, but why add one more thing into the mix? hahaha



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