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| Not the center of the universe. |
The sun didn’t mind at all, since it
basically just had to sit there and rotate around its own axis and enjoy being
the center of the universe, right up until the early 1800’s when some dufus
realized that heliocentrism was so 1754 and proved that the sun was not, in fact,
the center of the universe, much to the sun's dismay.
The moon didn’t mind either, it was too
busy spinning on its own axis, while revolving around the earth at a rate of a
menstrual cycle, while simultaneously revolving around the sun with the earth,
all the while making sure never to let the earth see its behind. It basically
had its hands full with all the spinning to really care about what the earth
was doing.
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| The moon, in case it wasn't clear. |
Someone who did mind, though, was the poor
guy on earth in charge of time. He tried everything to get rid of those 0.25 extra
rotations, including the old decimal point trick, making his dog eat his notes
and running really fast in one place to see if he could speed up the earth’s
rotation by 0.75 rotations per year.
Nothing worked.
And so, he created the leap day.
A day that Saint Patrick, the patron saint
of Ireland,
loved dearly. Saint Patrick also loved women, and felt they should be as free
as men. Free to do absolutely anything they wanted, whenever they wanted. And
so, he decided that women should be allowed to propose to men just as men can
propose to women. Of course, women would only be allowed to do it on one day
every four years, and lo and behold, leap day seemed like the perfect choice.
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| It took me forever to find a picture of the earth that showed something other than the Americas. |
In Finland we took the tradition to heart, and now every February 29th, women walk around popping the question left and right. And as an added bonus, the Finnish version of the tradition dictates that the proposal is to be taken very seriously, and if you by some twisted turn of fate have to turn her down, you owe the poor woman fabric for a skirt.
As the resourceful entrepreneur I am, I have of course turned this whole leap day thing into a successful business. I’ve spent the entire day proposing to men, and subsequently being rejected. In about 32 years I’ll have enough fabric to make a circus tent, and then I can finally realize my childhood dream!
