Saturday, October 9, 2010

Denial Ain't Just a River in Egypt, It's a Whole Freaking Country in Asia

Exactly a year ago I wrote a post about the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize and Barack Obama, its recipient. And apparently it’s becoming a tradition, because this year I’m once again going to address the peace prize. This year the Nobel Peace Prize Committee is trying to save face after last year’s controversial choice of Obama (“for peaceful actions not yet performed.”) They awarded the peace prize to the Chinese dissident Liu Xiaobo, who at the moment is serving an 11-year prison sentence for disagreeing with the Chinese government. In Finland a life sentence for murdering a whole family of midgets isn’t that long. But then again, the Chinese government has a pretty unique way of seeing things.

Please don't kill us.

China actually warned the Norwegian government before the prize was awarded, and said that they wouldn’t see lightly on the matter if Liu Xiaobo received the peace prize. What China clearly doesn’t understand is that the Committee is independent. For my Chinese reader out there, that means that there is no interference by the state. Crazy, I know. Nevertheless, the Chinese government holds the entire country of Norway responsible and there will most likely be both political and economic repercussions.

Liu Xiaobo, who still doesn’t know he has actually won, was awarded the prize "for his long and non-violent struggle for fundamental human rights in China." I can see why the Chinese government would oppose that. It sounds both democratic and humane. China has gone as far as saying that many Chinese nationalists will see this as an example of the West trying to demonize China. Oh yes, the demonic human rights will soon provide everyone with the right to vote and the right to choose how many babies they have. The horror would be unimaginable.

Oh the horror!

So unimaginable in fact, that the Chinese government has exercised their self-appointed right of censorship. Very few people in China even know that Liu Xiaobo has won the peace prize. Come to think of it, very few people in China even know that there exists such a concept as fundamental human rights. TV’s went black all over China when the peace prize recipient was to be announced, searches for Liu Xiaobo on Chinese search engines won’t turn up any results. Even text messages with the Chinese characters for his name won’t find their destination.

At this very moment leaders around the world are calling for Liu Xiaobo's immediate release. China’s answer: “Liu who?” *


  1. Ziva! What am I going to do with you? I told you before it's "little people". Those Peace Prize things are political as all get out. My dentist is Norwegian and that's what he says.

  2. Is the Chinese government a throw-back to the Flat Earth Society (I used to attend so many government meetings as a bureaucrat I once belonged to the Flat Ass Society but that's another story)? Do they think once you reach China's border's you'll fall off the face of the earth? Oh, wait, it's if you win a Nobel Prize. Oh, okay then.

  3. Did the TVs in China go black right before they made the announcement? On Hell's Kitchen before they announce who is being eliminated a.k.a. head on the chopping block, they go right to a commercial break. Billions of Chinese citizens still may be seated in front of their TV sets waiting for the announcement.

  4. Linda: Well if your dentist says so, it's gotta be true. Norwegians always know best. (I bet he says "midgets" too, no "little people" nonsense.)

    dufus: I think the Chinese government simply believes the world to be China-shaped. Everything outside of China is imaginary nonsense made up by delusional human rights activists.

    Lauren: I doubt billions of Chinese are still seated in front of their TV sets waiting for the announcement. Mostly because I happen to know there are only four TVs in China. But I'm sure four or five Chinese people are still waiting. Poor souls.

  5. Wait. Midgets are real?

    Just kidding.

    It pains me to buy stuff made in China.

  6. Oh no, poor Norway! They'll be cut off from all trade with China! Now how are they supposed to feed their babies and dogs melamine-laced formula and pet treats!

  7. Reffie: Apparently they're called "little people", not midgets. I just call them all Santa's elves.

    Nicky: Screw Norway, let them have their own perfect formula and raise perfect healthy kids that will go on to be oil millionaires and blonde and beautiful and smart. That's punishment enough for messing with China.

  8. hm...11 yrs in prison...and how many years a rapists gets in Finland?

  9. I stopped reading because I accidentally scrolled down and saw a picture of Jon&Kate. I used to be Team Jon, because Kate was such a bitch, but then they divorced and I realized what a deadbeat douche he is. I still want him to win, I WANT HIM TO SUCCEED, but I think it's just too late.


  10. BLOGitse: I'd say between 1 and 5 years, which either means that something is fucked up in Finland, or something is fucked up in China. I'd like to say it's China, but perhaps it's a little bit of both.

    Rena: I KNEW I shouldn't have posted a picture from a show I have never watched in my entire life because sooner or later someone is going to leave a comment that requires me to have an opinion about the show and I have no idea whether I'm Team Jon or Team Kate or Team Contraception, but I know I'm Team Edward so please please come back and leave a comment about Twilight instead, or would you prefer if we simply pretended this little post and comment thing never happened and just go on to the next post and next comment and agree to disagree (or not) about Team WTF?

  11. Those pics totally distracted me. If I didn't read your post, I'd swear that they were Before and After pictures.
    But how???

  12. Nicely put Z. Why the hell the rest of the world puts up with China, Saudi, et al is beyond me. All scientific effort in the civilised world should be devoted to finding alternatives to what these unspeakable toerags provide.

  13. I would've voted for Tank Boy, myself. That dude's my hero, even if he was as drunk as a Rena when he did it. (Drunk as a Rena is the hot, new expression for being really, really drunk.)

  14. mike: Hehe, I'm going to start adding pictures of midgets to every post from now on, just so you have something to think about.

    Jon: I have no idea why the rest of the world puts up with China, but I can only assume it's for economic reasons. When everything is Made in China other countries can't afford to disagree with them.

    MikeWJ: Drunk as a Rena, huh? That sounds way more glamorous than saying you're plastered. I'm gonna start being drunk as a Rena all the time now.



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